Tips on how to say yes to the perfect wedding dress
TLC star Durham shares his top tips for brides
“Are you saying yes to the dress?”
Aside from being the tagline of the popular Say Yes to the Dress TV series on TLC, the question is often something a bride asks herself while shopping for a wedding gown.
After all, this is the dress she will wear on her wedding day while standing opposite someone she loves, and will likely be the one she is photographed in more times on a single day than any other ensemble, before or after.
So, how can a bride-to-be find a dress that truly is the one? According to Monte Durham, star of Say Yes to the Dress Atlanta, it all starts with knowing your venue.
“There is a little bit of a misnomer when people say hurry up and get the dress because it sets the tone of a wedding. It doesn’t,” Durham says.
“Your location sets the tone for your wedding, because what you’re going to wear for a beach wedding is going to be very different from a barn or vineyard wedding — and definitely different from a cathedral wedding. So, once you set the space you want, then you’ve set the tone.”
Taking a brief break from helping brides find their perfect gown, Durham set out three key steps to ensure a bridal shopping excursion starts off on the right foot.
“If you’re looking for a dress, it’s very easy to get overwhelmed with it. So I suggest that you take your mom and yourself and you go in on a Thursday evening after work. Stop in, and really sort it out and look. Because Mom knows you. Oh, boy does she know you,” he says with a smile.
“Go shopping with someone who is so important, and who really loves you. Just you two. Make it very special before you bring the entourage and your future mother-in-law. Go in on a Thursday when it’s really quiet and you’ll have the whole store, sometimes, to yourself so you won’t feel pressured to move on.”
The second step to ensure success, he says, is to bring a pair of heels to the appointment that are the same height as the ones you expect to wear on your wedding day.
“That way, we know exactly where and how that dress will land if you alter it,” he explains.
The third, and perhaps most important point, according to Durham, is all about money.
“Have a clear vision of your budget. We can fix a lot of things, but I cannot fix your budget. So don’t come and say, ‘I don’t have a budget’ because we all have a budget. I have a budget — I don’t pay attention to it — but I have a budget,” he says with a laugh.
“Have a good, strong feel of your budget and don’t then turn to me and say, ‘Well, where should I cut?’ The most expensive thing on your list is your guest list. Feeding, drinking and that. Look at that. But we can’t help with the budget. You have to know if there’s wiggle room.
“And, if not, bring Grandma. She’ll kick in a little.”
Durham says it’s also important for brides to keep an open mind about finding their dream dress.
“The main thing, and I think we lose sight of it when we go shopping for ourselves, is that we kind of put ourselves in a box,” Durham explains. “Like, ‘I only like this,’ or ‘I’m only going to try on this, or ‘this is what it want.’”
Durham pointed out that while researching prospective gowns for reference during an appointment, and being aware of specific styles and silhouettes that flatter your shape can prove to be helpful, being married to a specific dress or style before trying anything on can hinder the search overall.
“Trust does come into it — probably around the second or third dress,” he explains of a bride-tobe’s willingness to try on gowns beyond her initial ideas.
“The first one everyone is a little bit leery about it, because, we know what we like. But, not in wedding gowns. You may be able to say, ‘I like white,’ or ‘I like lace,’ but that is not set in stone.
“Because when you try them on, that can shift — easily.”
So, just how many dresses is too many before the gowns just become one big white blur?
“After seven, you’re going to start losing it,” he says. “Because, by then, you’ve tried on A-line, you’ve tried on mermaid, you’ve tried on trumpet, you’ve tried on fit-andflare, you’ve tried on a sheath and you’ve tried on a ball gown. And, chances are, in there you’ve tried on crepe, Mikado, silk-satin, duchess satin and then, of course, tulle.
“So, you’ve had an opportunity to try on different fabrics and you’ve also had an opportunity then to try on the neckline. So, are we going to try on a bateau, a jewel neckline, plunging, V-neck, halter? ... find the neckline you like because literally 90 per cent of your photos are going to be from your waist up while you’re hugging your friends.
“So, once you figure out the neckline, from the waist down is the easy part because we know if we need to hide or accentuate.”
Once a bride-to-be has selected a few gowns to try, Durham says the real struggle can happen in the fitting room. And it all starts with finding the perfect fit.
“The one thing I dislike seeing ... is a dress that’s too tight,” he says. “And that I want to see gone, like tomorrow. You look at it, it’s just uncomfortable and you lose the lines on it. So, you just want to be mindful of that. Don’t pay attention to the size, pay attention to the fit.”
But size can trip up a lot of brides while shopping, he says.
“Society today, we wear a lot of knits. So, we’re free to move ... And, when you’re trying on wedding gowns, you really get a reality check. You’re getting your true size,” Durham explains.
“I think that’s one of the first, and one of the hardest, things to overcome for all of us. As much as we say size doesn’t matter, it really does when you’re in that fitting room by yourself and you’re putting it on. So, you get that reality check.”
Durham says the fitting room is where the reality of the upcoming nuptials often hits, full force.
“The biggest reality check of all is that you look in the mirror and go, ‘I really am getting married.’ The whole time you’re planning it, you’re looking at venues, you’re looking at food and flowers. But, all of a sudden, when you start trying on those wedding gowns, it’s bringing it home. Right centre in front of you,” he says.
It’s at that moment, according to Durham, when it’s time for someone to step in and say two little words: “Don’t worry.”
“A lot of times that’s the message in the fitting room. Don’t worry about this. Don’t worry about how this looks on you because I can show you other things that are going to look great on you. I can show you a dress that’s going to fit your venue and that’s going to work for your figure,” he says.
“The one thing I can’t do for you is tell you how that dress makes you feel. And that’s something that you have to share with me.”
And it’s that moment when a bride finds her perfect gown — and feels perfectly beautiful — that Durham says continues to top his list of favourite elements of his chosen career.
“You would think that after all these years, 30-something years in bridal styling and fashion, you would have a more creative answer than I have. But, it truly is this: how do you beat it when somebody is standing in front of you and tells you, ‘It’s beautiful, I feel great and I’m saying yes to this dress,’” he says.
“I think that has to be, without a doubt, my favourite thing — and why I keep doing it.”
MONTE DURHAM’S TOP TIP
Planning a wedding can be overwhelming. There’s the cake, the venue, the guest list, the gown ... the list goes on.
But Durham has a fail-safe tip to keep things on track.
“I tell brides to take out a business card and write down three things on the back of it that are important to you for your wedding,” he explains.
The three notes should identify the mood, esthetic and general vibe of the event, he explains, such as “quiet, understated and sophisticated” or “fun, jazz and interactive.”
“You write down three elements that fit your wedding’s mission statement. So, when you go to look at flowers or stationary or locations, you already have something that is centred here, in you, that that’s what you want. That’s how I want my wedding to go,” Durham says.
While the three notes can change as the planning goes on, sticking relatively close to the original vision of one’s wedding can help keep a bride “centred,” he says. Especially while deciding on the finer minutiae of a wedding day such as stationary or tableware.
“If you pull that out while you’re looking at flowers, you can easily say, ‘I don’t want sunflowers because my wedding is going to be sophisticated, understated and elegant. So, maybe I want calla lilies.’
“And, maybe you go to look at table settings and they’ve got fine china and lead crystal, and you think, ‘Well, that’s not going to work for mine because I want my wedding to be romantic, and beautiful and sweet.’ So maybe you want lace table linens and you don’t want fine china. You want clean and simple, antique china on the table,” Durham says.
“It helps you stay centred on that, and it helps you stay focused.”
If you’re looking for a dress, it’s very easy to get overwhelmed with it. So I suggest that you take your mom.
WHAT’S IN A TRUNK SHOW?
If you’ve started wading into wedding dress shopping, odds are, you’ve likely stumbled upon the term trunk show.
So, what exactly is a trunk show? And, if you’re shopping for a gown, is there a benefit to attending one? To find out, we asked Durham to dish the details about what bridesto-be can find at one of these boutique-hosted shopping events.
“The couture bridal market is twice a year in New York, in April and October. So, what you are seeing hitting the runways now is from the October market, which is geared toward the spring market,” he explains. “For buying, the gowns are designed and shown to us in October, but they don’t actually hit the stores until February.”
When a buyer for a bridal boutique decides to purchase a design (or designs) from a specific designer’s collection, they typically don’t purchase the entire collection. And that’s when a trunk show comes in handy for shoppers.
“If you have a trunk show, that’s the opportunity for you to look at the entire collection that maybe the store didn’t purchase,” Durham says. “If the store goes in and purchases eight dresses out of the 30 that a designer has done, when you go to a trunk show, you very well may see all 30.”
So, whether you’re looking for that elusive Dress No. 19 from your favourite bridal designer’s collection, or you’re simply looking for a special gown that won’t be the same one as all the other brides in your neighbourhood will be wearing, the events can be a big benefit for those searching for that perfect dress.
“It’s a great idea to go see the trunk shows because it gives you availability of dresses that may not be available once that trunk show leaves the store,” Durham says.