ANXIETY IS A REAL ISSUE
Q I’ve been living with my girlfriend for the past few months and everything was going great. She’s 28, a social worker; I’m 29, with a good job in the technology field. We dated for six months before moving in together. I’d had one live-in relationship that lasted 18 months and ended four years ago, and she had one that ended quickly a couple of years ago. We both felt that this time we knew more clearly what we wanted in a partner and felt we’d found it in each other. Suddenly, last week, my girlfriend had a full-on anxiety attack. It came out of nowhere and terrified me as I’ve never seen anything like it from her before. Does this mean she doesn’t really love me and feels she’s made a mistake moving in with me? Should I be moving out and giving her space? Does she need to see a psychiatrist? I still love her.
Shocked by Anxiety Attack
A You both need to get informed before you make assumptions about why she became so extremely anxious.
People with symptoms of “generalized anxiety disorder” tend to always expect disaster and can’t stop worrying about health, money, family, work, or school.
Had that been part of her personality, you’d have already noted it.
However, this was a sudden episode and could’ve been triggered by a past event, as in post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Since her last live-in relationship ended “quickly,” there may’ve been a negative event or even abuse that happened.
If so, it’s possible that her recent move to an intimate fulltime relationship again suddenly sparked flashbacks, even nightmares that terrified her.
So long as you weren’t behaving harshly to her, this episode wasn’t caused by you.
She should see a doctor for an immediate check to rule out any physical health issues.
Then, to manage the future, she should get referral to a therapist or medical specialist who deals with anxiety attacks.
Later, it’d be wise to also get couples’ counselling together when she’s ready for it (after she’s learned to recognize and control the triggers for her anxiety).
Hopefully, with greater understanding of her reaction, professional help, and the reassurance that comes from an ongoing loving partnership, anxiety attacks won’t define or disrupt your life together.