Spousal relationship should come first
Dear Annie: My lady and I have been together for nine years and we have a beautiful seven-year-old daughter.
We have had our own two-bedroom apartment for five years. A year ago, her mother fell ill. We decided to move her in with us to take care of her and drive her to her doctors’ appointments. Mind you, we did this even though I know the mother doesn’t like me at all.
Like any couple, we argue, but nothing too serious. The problem is, her mother gets in the middle of it and takes her daughter’s side. I can handle the fussing from my lady, but not her mother. It’s none of her business.
Two weeks ago, I overheard the mother tell her daughter that one of us has to move out: Her or me. Since we all know she can’t take care of herself, I took it as mom telling her daughter to get rid of me. Since that day, my lady has been distant. She barely speaks to me, there is little affection and lovemaking has entirely disappeared. I hate to think she has taken her mother’s advice and will end this relationship. Annie, I love her with all of my heart. What should I do? — Confused
Dear Confused: The constant drip-drip-drip of criticism and pressure from mom is wearing down your girlfriend’s ability to distinguish between what she wants and what mom wants. Don’t hide what you know. Tell your girlfriend you overheard mom saying to get rid of you. Let her know you love her dearly and don’t want to break up your home, especially since you have a young child who needs both of her parents. That relationship comes first. If mom cannot deal with it, she is the one who should leave and hire a caregiver. Tell your lady we said so.
Dear Annie: My husband used to hold my hand when we were out and would always give me little pats and rubs just to let me know he was still interested in me. But once he had prostate surgery, it was like someone flipped a switch. He immediately ceased all contact. I realize we can no longer have sex the way we used to, but we can still give each other pleasure.
But here is the real problem: My husband is sometimes incontinent and must wear an adult diaper. I could live with this except that he doesn’t change it for several days at a time. You can only imagine how he smells. He says he doesn’t notice it, but I gag when I’m near him.
I have told him he needs to change the diaper more often and take daily showers. He’ll try for a bit, but then reverts back to his nasty ways. In the meantime, I can’t even get close enough to kiss him. What do I do? — Missing It
Dear Missing: It’s possible your husband wants you to keep your distance and this is one way to ensure it. It’s also possible he is depressed about his current condition and has stopped caring about his hygiene. Suggest he speak to his doctor (or you can call his doctor’s office and leave a message explaining the problem). In the meantime, remind him gently when it’s time to shower and change.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Unforgiven,” who unintentionally omitted her brother’s stepson from the family death notice when her mother died. I work for a newspaper. While I don’t know what the policy is for this family’s hometown, this occasionally happens in my area and much of the time there are hurt feelings.
The remedy is simple. Rerun the obituary with the correct information. It would be a small price for family peace. — Keeping the Peace
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