CAM FULLER
Clashing cliches, misused words and other linguistic faux pas.
The Word Nerd is currently contemplating two weeks off.
Currently. Does “currently” in the above sentence serve any purpose, the Word Nerd wonders. Would the sentence work if he deleted it? Let’s see.
“The Word Nerd is contemplating two weeks off.”
Woah. Did you see what he did there? He single-handedly extinguished nine letters that were threatening a perfectly good sentence. But it’s a losing battle. “Currently” is currently raging out of control.
“There are currently 100 wildfires burning in the province,” the radio announcer intones. (Something about “currently” makes everything seem more official, more puffed up and important.)
“But wait,” you say. “We need ‘currently’ because it contains a secret, hidden implication that things will change. The Word Nerd would like to have a constructive debate with you about this. But after reviewing the use of “currently” in 128 news stories over the past week ...
■ “The 2014 PGA Women’s Championship winner was Brooke Henderson, who is currently playing events on the LPGA Tour.”
■ “The provincial government is currently considering four dam or diversion projects in southern Alberta.”
■ “He currently weighs 286 pounds.”
... the Word Nerd says you are wrong. (Sorry. He gets like that sometimes).
Here are some other language matters our pedant is ruminating over these days.
CLICHE CLASH
When an overused expression is used incorrectly: “The Saskatchewan Union of Nurses is raising the alarm bell,” said the evening news. Hmm. What went wrong here? Well, no one “raises” an alarm bell. You “sound” an alarm bell. You can raise a “red flag,” of course. Bell? Flag? Ask your doctor which done-to-death expression is right for you.
COPS CAN’T SPELL
Press release: “The Kelvington/Rose Valley RCMP and Crime Stoppers are seeking assistance from the public in solving a theft. Sometime around May 1st, 2015 an ignition key was taken and diesel ciphered from a Cat.” (Deciphering the sentence, it looks like diesel fuel was actually “siphoned.” Oh, and that no household pets were harmed).
BUREAUCRATIC JARGON
Office managers get an email notification of a new procedure. The advisory ends with “Please cascade as necessary to notify your team(s) of this change.” What’s next? Layoffs. They will be avalanched later.
NEWS, RESTRUCTURED
“We’re actually rolling out a plan to shift the news organization in a bigger way to a story-centric production model and that means moving past some of the traditional ways we’ve produced television newscasts, to one where we touch the content once, make sure that it is best-catered for the audience and then deliver it,” said a Global News senior vice president. “Caterers touching my news?” the Word Nerd asks. “They better wash their hands first.”
THE POINT OF ARROWS
Craft beer makes the city a more desirable destination, says a tourism official: “It’s just another quiver in our bow to attract meetings and conventions to Saskatoon.” (He likely meant “another arrow in our quiver.” But, really, unless you’re Cupid, you are not going to attract people by shooting them).
WITH CONVICTION
In a court of law, you are innocent — until TV proves you guilty: “The victim took the stand today,” said the news anchor.
Sounds harmless. But wait! It’s a trial! The accused is currently innocent. Therefore, there’s no victim, only an alleged one.
MINIMIZING THE JOLT
Police press release: “A number of charges are pending against a 24 year old man following an incident in which officers were required to deploy a conducted energy weapon.” These, of course, are Tasers. Maybe they’re avoiding the brand name, but we can handle the shocking truth.
REAL NAMES IN THE NEWS
Buying a meal for a homeless man: James Free.
High performance director for Skate Canada: Michael Slipchuk.
Golf Channel host: Damon Hack.
Spokesperson for the Canadian Avalanche Centre: Ilya Storm.
Wine expert: Damon MacCorquodale.
HOME/HONE
You “hone” the blade of a knife. You “home in” on a target, in the manner of homing pigeons. But you don’t do this, despite what one sharp reporter said: “The Crown prosecutor honed in on what it believes are discrepancies in David Woods’ testimony.”
FIREFIGHTER WORDS
It wasn’t a house fire, it was a “structure” fire. The house wasn’t engulfed in flames, it was “fully involved.” Fully involved? Was it having an affair with the house next door?
RANDOM WEIRDNESS
“A huge relief was lifted off my shoulders,” stated a reality TV show contestant.
RICH HUMOUR
A couple wins $280,000. They’re from Reward, Sask. Now they can move to Plenty.