Let sister make own decisions

Dear Annie: I have 19-yearold sister who I think is sexually active. A few weeks ago, I went to ‘Carol’s’ apartment to help with some cleaning. When I went to throw some garbage away, I noticed her jewelry box was open. I looked inside and spotted an unopened condom at the bottom.

Carol has been seeing ‘Vince’ for about three years, but I never thought they could be having sex. I know my parents don’t agree with sex before marriage, but I don’t know if they are aware of this.

As a concerned sister, what should I do? Confused and Concerned Dear Confused: We know you may not agree with Carol’s personal choices, but she is 19 and an adult. Her decisions are her own now. Say nothing.

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been living in my in-laws’ home for three years. We originally moved in because my father-in-law, ‘Louie,’ had a nervous breakdown, and my husband was laid off. My husband went back to school to finish his degree and has been offered a position with a great company far away and Louie doesn’t want us to move.

This isn’t the first time he has involved himself in our personal decisions. Often, my husband and I will agree on a plan and as soon as Louie gets wind of it, he somehow makes him doubt his decision.

Louie now tells my husband we will struggle if we move away.

My husband values his father’s word, but Louie is controlling our marriage. What should I do? Desperate to Leave Dear Desperate: Your husband must place you above his father. He can value Louie’s word without letting him have so much influence. If your husband cannot separate his needs from his father’s, the two of you should see a counsellor.