Word Nerd can’t handle transformational change
Nothing gets the Word Nerd standing up on his rear legs and twitching his whiskers in the air like buzzwords do. Here’s one that’s gaining traction: “TRANSFORMATIONAL CHANGE.”
You have to imagine shouting it from the top of a canyon and hearing the echo echo. TRANSFORMATIONAL CHANGE change change change. Sounds terribly impressive. But wait, the Word Nerd wonders, isn’t “transformational change” redundant? Isn’t ALL change transformational?
He should ask Saskatchewan Premier Brad Wall, who midwifed the nine-pound bundle of joy around budget time. “There is a chance for us as a province to make some transformational change in the delivery of services in health care and education, postsecondary education,” Our Leader said in April. “Those transformational changes should always be about the front line, improving service and doing so in a way that’s perhaps more cost-effective,” he added, omitting rural municipality amalgamation, heh heh.
What people really need to know about transformational change is how much it will, you know, suck. For a hint, we could look to our beloved football team, the Saskatchewan Roughriders, whose new head coach makes transformational changes every 35 minutes. But we’d prefer not to look there because transformational change isn’t something you want to buy tickets to. Tickets to. Tickets to.
But what is transformational change, anyway? Here’s one definition: When you give a panhandler $1 million in quarters, that’s transformational change.
On to much more pleasant business, like the mocking of TV football announcers.
“One quarter IS not a game make,” TSN’s Duane Forde said recently. Now, is that an allusion to Aristotle? Shakespeare?
“Talk about revolving chair and faces on Saskatchewan’s defence,” enthused Matt Dunigan. Talk about nonsensical verbiage.
“He’s dishing it out back and forth to his weaponry.” Oh Rod Black, you’re the gift that keeps on giving.
“It’s two teams going in opposite directions colliding at Jets Stadium.” You might need Google Maps to figure that one out.
“What started as a fun snow day for the Patriots ended with a frosty finish as a chance at a perfect season melted away.” It was going so well until The Little Metaphor That Could derailed at Logic Junction.
Meanwhile, on the Winnipeg Blue Bombers, “New faces are starting to jell.” Maybe that’s what’s wrong with the Riders — amorphous faces of ectoplasm have trouble making tackles.
NEWS ANCHOR ODDITIES
“The 24-hour job of raising two sons.” Having raised two sons over the last two decades, the Word Nerd asserts that it takes longer than 24 hours.
Some lunatic builds a full-scale replica of Noah’s Ark. The news reader describes the replica as “a boat like no other.” Like no other? Actually, it’s a boat exactly like ONE other, you cubit head.
AS OPPOSED TO WHAT?
UNDERGROUND tunnel. OUTDOOR patio furniture. WALL mural.
NAMES YOU CAN’T MAKE UP
Pita Pit president Kevin Pressburger.
Retired firefighter AND competitive swimmer Carl Waterer.
Hockey defenceman AND former member of the Calgary Hitmen Colby Harmsworth.
That’s it for now. But, in closing, is there anything we can learn from these learnings? No. No we can’t.
“These LEARNINGS should be captured and shared to improve overall corporate performance.”
“Based on operational data and LEARNINGS, the symposium will hear the story of SaskPower’s journey with CCS.”
“LEARNINGS from these things, even when a good investigation is done, are going into black holes.”
Sorry LEARNINGS, you’re fired. We’re replacing you with LESSONS. Not sure why we let LESSONS go in the first place but, anyhoo, we trust you’ll find the change in your circumstances to be, uh, transformational.