Sibling rivalry
This column was originally published in 2005.
Dear Annie: My parents were married 54 years and then divorced three years ago. Shortly after they divorced, my husband quit his job so we could move back home to help Dad, take him to doctor visits, cook for him, etc., and do the same for my mother when she later required surgery. My husband found work, and I was available to both of my parents any time they needed me. We have been here two years.
I loved them both and never took sides, even though I had to listen to their negative comments about each other.
My father passed away last month and left me everything, except for a small life insurance policy for my only sister. Dad and Sis did not get along well. He felt she took Mom’s side during the divorce. Also, when Sis left her first husband, she did not want custody of her children, and to this day, her kids are still estranged from her. Dad did not approve of this.
My mother has now told me that she has changed her will and I have been left out completely. My sister gets everything. She says this is “justice.” I say she is punishing me for helping my dad when he needed me.
Is it right for Mom to take me out of her will, even though I helped care for her the same as I did Dad? Mom isn’t talking to me, and I am hurt.
Tallahassee, Fla.
Dear Florida: It’s possible your mother is under pressure from your sister to make things “even.” Think how it must have hurt Sis that Dad favoured you so much, justified or not. You’ve been a caring and loving daughter. Please don’t turn this into a fight over money. Call Mom, and tell her you love her and that she can do whatever she likes with her estate. Ask if she will select one personal item for you, as a keepsake that you will cherish. Dear Annie: I am in my mid-40s, and my husband and I are finally the parents of a healthy, beautiful baby boy. When I am out with my son, women invariably assume that I am the baby’s grandmother and tailor their conversation accordingly.
Depending on my mood and level of sleep deprivation, my responses run from a gracious smile to an icy stare. Sometimes I am so frustrated by their wellmeaning but misguided and ignorant remarks that I want to scream.
Please offer me a tactful alternative to let them know that I am my son’s mother, not his grandmother.
Not a Grandma Yet
Dear Not Grandma: You’d think, in this day and age, people would know better. Respond to their oohs and aahs by saying, “Thank you. I’m so blessed to have my son. The sleepless nights are absolutely worth it.” Dear Annie: I love where I work and would like to be hired here when I complete my schooling. Unfortunately, I have a problem with our middle-aged, married boss. He makes the younger women here very uncomfortable. He always stares at our chests, and even when we give him a sharp look, he will continue. Occasionally he will jokingly make offensive, inappropriate comments of a sexual nature, but they are subtle enough that others might pass it off as nothing.
He has never crossed the line enough to file a complaint. How can we stifle this behaviour without suffering the consequences?
Tired of It
Dear Tired: This behaviour is unacceptable. Start keeping a written record of the comments, jokes, etc. Then you need to talk to his superiors, not to file a complaint, but to warn them that this man is making the company vulnerable to a sexual harassment lawsuit. They’ll want to know.