More criminal geniuses: It’s crimes of the month for April
Occurrence number 2017/04/04: North poles
It looks like an incredibly ambitious crime. Prince Albert RCMP report the theft of two 80-foot wooden utility poles from a construction site in Northside sometime between September and March.
Who steals power poles? How? Where do they pawn them? Is this the start of a utility pole crime spree? Is everyone’s pole now in jeopardy? Well, fear not. As the Mounties reported on April 4, “the utility poles have been accounted for and Prince Albert RCMP are advising that a theft had not taken place in this circumstance.” Looks like somebody just got their wires crossed. Occurrence number 2017-33309: The Skorpion
On April 7 near midnight, police are called for a break and enter into a garage. A police canine tracks the suspect, a 36-year-old man.
He’s carrying crystal methamphetamine, a switchblade and — get this — a 7.65 mm Skorpion machine pistol.
“Although it was developed for use with security forces and special forces, the weapon was also accepted into service with the Czechoslovak Army as a personal sidearm for lower-ranking army staff, vehicle drivers, armoured vehicle personnel and special forces.” (Source: Wikipedia).
The suspect is also being questioned about the theft of a M1 Abrams tank from Fort Hood, Texas. Not really.
Occurrence number 2017-04-06: Fast cash
Broadview should really be named Weedview given all the illegal drugs the Broadview RCMP find when they pull cars over on the Trans-Canada Highway.
In this case, it wasn’t dope but cash: $70,000 found in a westbound speeding car on April 3 at 10:20 a.m. near Grenfell. The adult male driver was arrested but later released without charges. Maybe he was just taking his life savings out for some fresh air.
Oh, but he’s not off the hook yet. The RCMP Federal Serious and Organized Crime (FSOC) Section is investigating. When the words “federal” and “serious” are involved, you know you’ve got some ’splaining to do. Occurrence number 2017-04-26: More news from Weedview
On April 26, Broadview RCMP Traffic Services stop a vehicle. Where? On the Trans-Canada Highway near Wolseley. What do they find? Thirty pounds of marijuana. The 49-year-old male driver is charged with possession of cannabis for the purpose of trafficking. Before he left Kamloops, I imagine the guy was thinking, “What are the odds of me getting pulled over?” Now he knows. Occurrence number 17-32948: Money laundering
On April 23, a man and woman are arrested for breaking into one apartment laundry room in Saskatoon. Four days later, they’re charged with 150 counts of breaking and entering into laundry rooms city-wide over a period of about 10 weeks.
That’s 15 a week, or two a day. Due to the complexity of the case, it’s expected to take some time before all the details are ironed out.
Occurrence number 2017-0312: White powder
Forget about it. We’re not mentioning white powder anymore. Occurrence number 1505-144003: Bad grad
Greenwater RCMP report a break-in at a home in Kelvington in which a pink grad dress worth approximately $550 is stolen. Two questions spring to mind: 1. What kind of jerk steals a kid’s grad dress?
And 2. Where are they going to wear it, the reform school commencement? Occurrence number 17-41640: Too easy
On April 30 at 11:21 a.m., a lone male robs a 33rd Street convenience store of cigarettes and cash.
Forty-six minutes later and 15 blocks away ON THE SAME STREET, police find a man matching the description who happens to have cigarettes and cash on him. No need to call in Sherlock Holmes.
The criminal mastermind is charged with robbery as well as breaching his court conditions. Occurrence number 17-36525: School break
On Easter Sunday and Monday, three people are seen breaking into two schools. The police plane tracks them and police arrest two females, 17 and 13. A 10-year-old boy is not charged.
Three days later, while police are investigating another breakin at different school, they receive a report of a break-in at still another school. They surround the building and arrest a 13-year-old and a 15-year-old. A 10-year-old, who you might call their pupil, is not charged.
Moral of the story: This is not what they mean when they say “stay in school.”