Unhappy couple should reassess their lives
Dear Annie: My husband of two years is constantly playing a computer game. When “Jon” comes home from work, he eats dinner and then sits in his recliner with his computer until he falls asleep. He’ll then get up in the middle of the night to sleep in the guest room.
I’m eight weeks pregnant, and he says he doesn’t want to wake me, but he’s been doing this for months. On weekends, he’s online from the time he gets home until late at night. We have a three-year-old son who craves his father’s attention.
I’ve told him I wish he’d reduce his computer time, but he won’t. If I plan a family night out, he’d rather stay home. We also have no sex life, and he visits porn sites.
The other day, he left our house to help a friend move a piano and came home 12 hours later, drunk. His phone had conveniently died, so I was unable to reach him. He sees nothing wrong with this behaviour. Something needs to change.
— Desperate for Family Time Dear Desperate: Your husband sounds just as unhappy as you. The computer, the drinking, the time helping friends are his way of escaping his responsibilities at home. Ask your doctor to refer you to a counsellor who will help you work through this.
Dear Annie: Would you please give your readers some information on herpes, both types? Can you address the fact that the lip type doesn’t always stay above the waist, or the genital type below? Also, this virus can be in your body for years before it ever manifests itself. (That’s when your spouse claims to have been faithful and it might be true.) And you can pass along the virus even when no lesion is showing. — We All Need To Be Informed
Dear Informed: There are different types of the herpes virus. Herpes Simplex Virus 1 (HSV-1) is most often experienced as oral herpes (commonly known as cold sores), and Herpes Simplex Virus 2 (HSV-2) is most often associated with genital herpes. These two types of herpes are similar, though, and either one can be found above or below the belt.
Genital herpes is a sexually transmitted infection spread by skin-to-skin contact, meaning you can get it by having intercourse with an infected person or by having oral sex with someone who has cold sores. Symptoms of genital herpes can include tingling, itching, sores, blisters, cuts, redness, aches and pains. But it can be spread even when you don’t have symptoms.
According to the American Sexual Health Association, it is difficult to know how long you have had genital herpes, and weeks, months or years can go by before symptoms reappear. Many with genital herpes have few or mild symptoms, and most actually do not realize they are infected — and can infect their partner.
We urge anyone sexually active to talk with their health-care provider about herpes and other STDs to see if they recommend any tests.
You can get more detailed information through ASHA’s website at ashastd.org.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.