It’s time for him to move on from deadbeat mom

Dear Annie: Four months ago, my wife of 22 years left me. She moved in with her parents, filed for divorce and said she is going to find happiness. She had an affair, and we tried to work through it, but she wanted me to heal according to her timetable, not mine.

I have custody of our children, and she rarely sees them. When she does, it is all fun and games and no responsibility. We both work professional jobs. I have been through all the hurts and emotions and everything that goes with a divorce. I keep hoping she will come to her senses and return home.

Since she doesn’t pay any bills or child support, she left us in a difficult financial bind. I recently met someone who is a sweetheart. But I still have a few feelings for my soon-to-be ex. Do I move on or wait?

— Advice Needed in the Midwest

Dear Advice: See a lawyer and make sure your wife pays child support and has regular visitation with her children. They will need to see her, and you are entitled to the financial assistance. And while it’s possible that your wife’s desire to be irresponsible and immature will diminish in time, we see no reason for you to wait around unless she is willing to get into counselling and work on her marriage. It is natural for you to still have some feelings for her, but you should not be stuck pining away. Rest assured, she won’t be doing the same.

Dear Annie: I am the stepgrandmother of a seven-year-old whom I consider my granddaughter. “Missy” does not have a relationship with her father (my husband’s son), although we have been actively involved with her since she was an infant. Missy’s mother subsequently had another child, now three, with someone else.

We recently were informed that Missy cannot visit us on weekends without her little brother. According to their mother, he “cries all weekend when his big sister is gone.”

My husband and I feel this woman is simply seeking a babysitter for the weekends. We have resorted to elaborate reasons why we cannot have both kids, but I’m afraid we’re running out of excuses. We have not seen Missy for weeks now, but my husband refuses to take

the three-year-old. What should we do?

— Perplexed

Dear Perplexed: You may be right that Missy’s mother is looking for free babysitting, but the price of saying no is rather steep. She seems perfectly willing to keep her away until you acquiesce, so you might reconsider and “adopt” the three-year-old, as well. Missy might appreciate it. You also could try working out an arrangement that doesn’t involve weekends, perhaps taking Missy out for ice cream on Wednesdays or picking her up from school. It wouldn’t be the same, but at least you would remain in regular contact.

If there is any way to encourage your stepson to be more involved in his child’s life, that would be a positive move. And also look into grandparents’ rights in your state.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.