Dealing with Dad’s mind games

Dear Annie: My father and I have never had the best relationship. He was domineering, controlling and verbally abusive to me as a teenager, and as a result, I rebelled and did things specifically to irritate him. Several times, he kicked me out of the house, saying I forced him to behave the way he did. I always apologized because it was easier if I kept the peace.

Three years ago, my parents separated. Just before Mom and I moved out, Dad and I got into a huge argument and he nearly punched me. I did not speak to him for six months. Since then, there’s been a thaw in our relationship. He even apologized (which he never does) and seemed more understanding. When I saw him at Christmas, we had a great time together.

However, he hasn’t spoken to me since then. There was no fight or argument. I’ve tried to call him several times to make plans or just talk, and he has ignored my calls and doesn’t respond to my voice mails. He broke every coffee date I made, and instead of telling me, he informed my brother or mom that he couldn’t make it.

Dad is obviously avoiding me, but I have no idea why. I’m tired of his imaginary issues and “nobody loves me” attitude.

Should I confront him and find out why he stopped talking to me or forget him?

— Confused and Exhausted

Dear Confused: Your relationship with your father is tenuous, and it’s possible that maintaining his equilibrium around you is stressful for him.

And although his behaviour may be difficult, your response likely has flaws, too. If you want to know what’s going on, please ask your mother or brother to intercede on your behalf and find out whether you have unintentionally done something to aggravate the relationship and how you can repair it. Learning to get along with someone who pushes all your buttons requires ongoing effort. Since it’s your father, we think it’s worth another try. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.