Grandmother is in a tough spot

This column was originally published in 2012.

Dear Annie: Six months after my daughter married, her husband was arrested twice. Each time, he called from jail and begged me to pay bail and legal fees, promising to repay me.

My daughter stuck by him through seven years of prison. Now, 15 years later, he has started a business and fathered my only grandchild. He began repaying the money he owed me, but stopped. Instead, he bought an expensive new car and two new iPhones and took his family on a vacation.

I emailed him asking why he stopped making payments. He phoned and told me he would never send another cent and that he would never allow me to see my grandchild. My daughter has gone along with everything he says. I haven’t seen my grandchild in six months.

I hired a lawyer, who got a judge to order mediation, but he walked out of the session. Now he has hired a lawyer who is stalling.

He owes me more than $40,000. I would like to have my savings returned to me. I would like to see my grandchild, but there are no grandparents’ rights in this state. My daughter won’t speak to me.

Apparently, I was never part of his family. He only wanted to be related to my money. How do I see my grandchild? Broken-hearted Grandmother

Dear Grandmother: It is sad when parents use the children to blackmail the grandparents. Since your state doesn’t offer the opportunity to petition for visitation, there isn’t much you can do except try to reconcile with your daughter — a scenario that seems unlikely. You can find emotional support through AARP (aarp. org), which has chat rooms for grandparents in your situation. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.