Wife deserves better from in-laws

Dear Annie: I married at the age of 18. Shortly before my wedding, my parents died, leaving me with no other relatives. I looked forward to sharing life with my husband’s close-knit family. But the day after the ceremony, my new mother-in-law began a crusade to divorce me. She went to each family member with horrible lies about me, and they believed her. The worst lie was telling my husband that I was unfaithful. The whole family condemned me with no evidence. Fortunately, my husband knew better.

My mother-in-law banned me from all family functions and forbade everyone from contacting me. She insisted we move far away, isolated from everyone. Before every holiday and family event for the past 25 years, I have cried watching my husband drive off for a day of fun with his family. He says he can’t disobey his mother now that she’s terminally ill.

After she dies, I hope things will change and I will finally be allowed to join the clan. My husband feels things should continue as they are. He seems to relish the role of martyr at the hands of a “horrible” wife. It is difficult to discuss this with him, as he sometimes resorts to physical violence.

Should I accept that I never

will be able to call anyone family? Sadly, divorce is out of the question for many reasons. Alone in Minnesota

Dear Alone: Your husband is a coward and an abuser. After 25 years, we wouldn’t count on his family being more accepting. Instead, please consider “family” those people who care about you. If you have children, they, their spouses and their in-laws are your family. If you don’t have children, your friends can become the family you need. Since divorce isn’t an option, we recommend counselling on your own.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.