Riders game would make for good theatre

What if sports stories looked more like theatre reviews? Why, I imagine they would sound a lot like this:

PLAY REVIEW: Who’s Afraid of Chris Jones?

The curtain opened on a disappointing night for the Saskatchewan Roughriders, who lost 17-16 to the Montreal Alouettes in front of a small audience at Percival Molson Theatre on Thursday.

The plot was interesting, though not terribly original — the story of a coach who underestimates his quarterback, insults him and trades him to another team. In an unlikely coincidence, those same two teams meet in the first game of the new season. That’s where the action of the play commences.

Darian Durant stars as himself in the role of the mistreated quarterback. He wore the familiar number 4 on his jersey, but looked a bit odd in a red and white costume.

Given the backstory of the feud, you might have expected Durant to deliver one of the most riveting performances of his career. But things played out more realistically, with the quarterback performing well but not to perfection. Overall, you might say his acting on this night was moderately successful.

Wearing the traditional villain’s black was Chris Jones in the part of the Roughriders coach. He effectively paced back and forth on the sideline portion of the set. He was particularly convincing when he made his face look like he was sucking on lemons. This happened when other cast members portraying football players got penalties, something that happened 12 times over the course of the evening.

The actors conveyed the feel of a professional football game fairly well, although you couldn’t help but think that top-notch theatre companies in Vancouver and Calgary would present a more convincing production.

The real flaw in the plot came in a scene where the Roughriders were driving the ball effectively toward the opposition’s goal-line. Suddenly, Coach Jones called his starting quarterback to the sidelines and put in a second-stringer to complete the drive. Predictably, the offence spluttered. In a real game, this would never have happened. The sequence made no sense whatsoever and you had to wonder what playwright Stephen McAdoo, who also had the role of Rider offensive coordinator, was thinking going with such a far-fetched scenario.

The pacing was slow through the first half of the production. Luckily, there was more action during intermission with a surprising cameo by Cirque du soleil. An acrobat bounced on a flexible board held by two cast members, doing high jumps and dangerous backflips. The audience, enjoying many tall cans of Stella Artois beer, seemed genuinely impressed.

The climax of the play was saved for the very end with a lastminute drive by the Roughriders who needed only a field goal to win the game. Wasting precious seconds instead of trying to get closer to the goalposts, the Riders were forced to attempt a field goal that was longer than it should have been. There was no storybook ending because the kick attempt went wide. Game over.

Oddly, the play included a final scene showing the jilted quarterback Durant celebrating victory and telling an actor playing a TSN reporter that the “football gods” were on his side. This might have been true, but a one-point win barely justified his claim of being vindicated.

Thematically, there was a lesson here, although a very understated one. Coach Jones may indeed have been proven wrong in trading Durant but looking at the bigger picture, it was merely one more loss of many by the man in black.

If nothing else, the question posed in the title of the play, Who’s Afraid of Chris Jones? comes with an easy answer: Nobody.