ANNIE’S MAILBOX Husband needs to grow up

Dear Annie: My husband and I are in our late 40s and have been married 30 years. (We married young.)

“Eugene” has started looking at a lot of porn and seems to have a compulsion about it. We have enjoyed adult videos as a couple and still do, but Eugene now watches porn on the computer by himself. I feel betrayed, and it damages my trust. When I told him I don’t like that he looks at porn so often, he became hostile and defensive. He angrily told me that “after 30 years of the same old thing, a guy needs to look at something different.”

That comment hurt me deeply, and I’ve had trouble getting past it. For a while, Eugene backed off the porn, but now he’s sneaking around. Today, I discovered he has logged on to live chat rooms and Internet porn dating sites. When I confronted him about it, he was nonchalant, saying those sites just randomly pop up. But I know that’s not true. He’s visited those sites numerous times.

Eugene says I’m too sensitive and his behaviour is normal. But, Annie, the fact that he’s sneaking around is enough for me to know it’s not acceptable. Do you think Eugene is looking for an affair? Not Comfortable with My Future

Dear Not: We think your husband is looking for some thrills, and he’s being quite a jerk about it. This could be a typical mid-life crisis: He’s approaching 50 and needs to feel young again. But such juvenile behaviours can damage a marriage beyond repair. Please ask Eugene to go with you for counselling. If he won’t go, go without him.

Dear Annie: My son is getting married next year at a somewhat remote and tiny resort. Due to the distance, some guests will be arriving at the resort the day before the wedding.

The rehearsal dinner is the night before the wedding. I plan to pay for the dinner, but my wife thinks we should pay for any guests who happen to be at the resort that night. Is she right? Unsure in Illinois

Dear Unsure: All members of the bridal party, including parents, grandparents and officiants, are included in the rehearsal dinner. It is not mandatory to include all out-of-town guests, although if there aren’t too many of them, it would be both appropriate and kind to do so.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.