‘Grandparents’ should embrace boy, 5

Dear Annie: My daughter and her husband moved in with us last year to save money and someday raise a family. We enjoy having them here.

The issue is my son-in-law’s five-year-old boy from his previous marriage. The custody arrangement states that he is entitled to have the child for a month during the summer. I foresee this being a big adjustment for my husband and me. It’s not that we don’t like the child, but we don’t feel all that attached to him. Also, we are done raising our children. This boy needs to be entertained constantly.

My daughter and her husband did not address this with us before they moved in. I adore our son-in-law and want them to treat our house as their home. But is it wrong of me to feel inconvenienced? How can I make it clear that I do not want to be a babysitter without hurting my son-in-law’s feelings?

Dear Inconvenienced: We urge you to accept this five-year-old boy and make him part of your family. It isn’t his fault that his parents are not together, and he will look to you to be his grandparents, if you permit it. We know it’s difficult to have little children underfoot, but someday your daughter may have kids, and you will be faced with this same problem. If you don’t want to babysit, it’s OK to say you don’t have the energy. But you risk alienating your son-in-law if you reject his child. Please make the best of it for the month.

Dear Annie: This weekend I was given two concert tickets that cost $32 apiece. I invited a friend to attend with me. The event was an hour away, and we used her car to get there. On the way, we stopped at a restaurant for lunch. When we received the bill, she said, “I’m going to let you pay for this since your tickets didn’t cost you anything and I paid for the gas.”

Annie, the fuel bill was less than $10. Still, to keep the peace, I paid the restaurant bill and the tip. Have you ever heard of this before? It was a new one for me.

Dear Orlando: The tickets may have been free, but you chose to invite this particular person when you could have given her ticket to someone else. Since she paid for the gas, however, a more equitable arrangement would have been to split the cost of the lunch.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.