Give ‘Homer’ the kiss off

Dear Annie: When a person says no, what does it mean? Some men just don’t get it. Or do they believe it really means yes?

I have a wonderful friend, “Homer,” and I love him dearly, but I am not in love with him. We are both in our 80s and widowed, and I thought it was nice to have him as a friend. But Homer’s kisses are getting too mushy and lingering. He often says, “I can’t wait to make love to you,” and I reply each time, “No chance.”

We could have so much fun together, but he always has sex on his mind. I have no interest in getting into bed with him or any other man. If that’s all he wants, he’s welcome to find someone else. I would miss him, but I’ve had about all I can take.

How can I make Homer understand?

— Too Old to Be Frisky

Dear Too Old: If you are kissing Homer, you give the impression that there could be more than friendship. At that point, your words are contradicted by your actions. No wonder he doesn’t understand no.

Try to communicate better. Stop kissing or doing anything else that Homer might interpret as romantic. Tell him you enjoy his company, but the relationship is strictly platonic.

Dear Annie: My 83-year-old mother is a chain smoker. All I ask when I visit is that she smoke on her balcony. I still get some fumes, but I never complain.

I drove four hours to see her on Mother’s Day, and she insisted on smoking indoors. When I asked why, she replied, “Because I feel like it.” When I said her newly painted walls were already covered in smoke residue, she gave me a dirty look and said the world is not going to end because there is cigarette smoke in the house. I realized she didn’t care about my well-being, so I left.

I know for a fact my mother doesn’t love me, so should I continue making an effort when she shows a total lack of consideration for my feelings?

— Very Sad Daughter

Dear Sad: We’re not sure how you know “for a fact” your mother doesn’t love you. It’s more likely that she’s a difficult person who is uncomfortable showing love because it makes her vulnerable to being hurt. Instead of cutting her off, lower your expectations. She is who she is.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.