Change to will by parents is slap in the face

This column was originally published in 2012.

Dear Annie: Six years ago, my 54-year-old divorced sister, “Sue,” moved in with my parents because she was afraid to live by herself. At the time, Sue had a part-time job and my parents were in good health. Within a year, however, my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and mom developed heart problems.

The other day I visited mom, and she told me Sue can no longer work because she has to take care of them full time. She wants to pay Sue for her services, as well as take care of all of Sue’s bills.

Mind you, Sue’s built up a nice savings account because my parents paid for everything, and she now has more than $150,000 in the bank.

She also will get part of her ex-husband’s pension in a few years. Yet Sue has convinced my parents that she will be homeless.

I could live with that, but Mom also said she is changing her will so Sue gets everything. She based this decision on the fact I seem to be doing OK and my son, her only grandson, is fine.

I know taking care of my parents is not an easy job. I also realize it’s their money and they are entitled to do what they want with it.

But Sue has always been the golden child, and taking me out of the will is a slap in the face. I’m hurt that my son and I have been excluded.

It’s not about the money. It’s about being disregarded. Even a small token would mean something.

I’m struggling with how to accept this without hard feelings, but obviously those feelings are already there. Any suggestions? Thought I Meant More to Them

Dear Thought: Parents often don’t realize that leaving all of their possessions to one child creates hurt feelings, jealousy and estrangements. It doesn’t matter that one child is needier, only that all children are acknowledged.

Please tell your mother how you feel.

Ask whether she would leave you and your son a cherished possession as a keepsake. When she understands that it’s truly not about the money, we hope she will reconsider.