Sister causing drama

This column was originally published in 2012.

Dear Annie: My sister, “Jane,” was divorced a few years ago. She’s been seeing a counsellor for two years because she enabled her lazy husband.

Here’s the problem. Jane has “adopted” my family because one of her sons has disowned her, his wife won’t speak to her because Jane verbally attacked her, and her other son wants to be left alone for a while.

If there is a holiday, Jane wants to be invited to be with my family. If there is a birthday or wedding, even on my husband’s side, she has to send a card. She insisted on sending a get-well card to a distant cousin-by-marriage whom she barely knows.

Jane also is very domineering. She rips things out of my hand to put them away.

She makes demeaning remarks about people and isn’t happy with anything.

Some examples of what I’m talking about: Her co-workers don’t do the work right, the neighbours do everything wrong, etc. I could go on, but I don’t want to sound like her.

What do I do? Texas Sister

Dear Texas: Let’s separate this into sections. If Jane wants to send birthday, holiday or getwell cards to anyone, that’s fine. These sentiments are harmless and are often appreciated by the recipients, even if they seem a little strange to you.

Jane clings to your family because she can’t be with her own, so it’s a kindness to include her. The rest sounds like depression and anger.

You’ve been a supportive sister, but we recommend you set clear boundaries so Jane understands the limits of your tolerance.

You should know it’s also OK to tell her that her complaints indicate that she is bitter and unhappy, and gently suggest that she discuss these things with her therapist.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.