The thrill was never there

Dear Annie: I’ve been married for 14 years. The first few, everything was good and then I stopped enjoying sex. I’ve seen several different doctors and had my hormones checked, and the verdict is that I am in great health for a 39-year-old.

I think the main problem is, while I love my husband, I don’t find him attractive. I’m not sure I ever did. I was 23 when we met and had never had a boyfriend. Men had never been interested in me until he came along. He is smart, funny and experimental in the bedroom, so it isn’t like we haven’t tried new things. He would do anything for me.

But, Annie, having sex with him is a massive chore. I suspect he knows this and I hate making him feel bad. I can’t fake passion I don’t feel. I feel like a part of me is missing, and I don’t know how to find it.

Berlin, Germany

Dear Berlin: It is possible that you are asexual — meaning you are not attracted, sexually, to anyone. If this sounds like what you are experiencing, please look into Asexual Visibility and Education Network at asexuality.org.

However, if your libido previously was working fine and your lack of interest was sudden, you may want to get a referral to see a doctor who specializes in sexual disorders. A normal balance of hormones for most women may be insufficient for you. And of course, there are other possibilities — psychological issues, weight issues, nutrition deficiencies, medications — all of which can affect desire and libido.

Dear Annie: I am appalled by my own offspring. My son is 30 and my daughter-in-law is 27. My grandchild is 16 months old.

We had been travelling and stopped at a restaurant. While we waited for our food, my son and his wife fed my grandchild her dinner. The end result was at least 10 pasta noodles dropped on the carpeted floor. I cleaned them up, but it should have been the job of my so-called adult children to leave our area clean. If it had been my place of business, I would have told us not to return until we had manners. What do you say?

Angry and Embarrassed

Dear Angry: We say calm down. Restaurants serve food. People — both children and adults — spill and drop food all the time. While one should not deliberately toss food around, and it behooves parents to keep the mess to a minimum and pick up what they can, it isn’t necessary to leave the floor spotless.

Cleaning up is part of the overhead costs, and the management does not expect patrons to do all the work.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.