A fight for the ages or a disgrace to boxing? Maybe both — and I can’t wait
Here’s your free, no-cost, complimentary, completely gratis guide to Saturday night’s boxing match between Floyd Mayweather Jr. and Conor McGregor. Did I mention it’s free?
THE MAIN EVENT
Like track and field sprinters running against horses or Olympic swimmers versus sharks, it’s more of a circus than a sporting event, a gimmicky, ultra-hyped spectacle beneath the contempt of any serious sports fan. AND I CAN’T WAIT!!!
McGregor, 29, is an MMA fighter. In MMA, you’re allowed to punch, trip, kick and strangle your opponent. Mayweather, 40, is a boxer. In boxing, you are allowed to punch your opponent’s face and torso. Hitting “below the belt” is not allowed. That’s why boxers pull their shorts up to just below their nipples. Also, it’s a good look.
THE INTRIGUING THING
McGregor will have to follow boxing rules. It’s a bit like pitting The Golden State Warriors of the NBA against the New England Patriots in a football game. Or is it? McGregor is a mouthy, mean, scary little man with devastating punching power. But he’s never boxed at any level before. Mayweather is 49-0 as a pro, and known for his stultifying defence.
INK INK YOU STINK
When it comes to tattoos, there are fine people on many sides, on many sides. But the two fighters have very different approaches to body decor. McGregor is covered in tattoos. He’s got a helix of thorns down his spine, some sort of winged gorilla face on his chest and a creepy man in a top hat on his left arm. None of these has any particular meaning, the fighter has said. He doesn’t even know what the Arabic letters on the back of his leg mean, once explaining “I was drunk.”
Mayweather, on the other hand, has no tattoos at all. Therefore, the stakes could not be higher. If Mayweather wins, it means that people without tattoos have been right all along.
THE PRIZE MONEY
A thing called Boxing Kingdom says the take could be as much as $400 million for Mayweather and $127 million for McGregor. There’s also a gaudy belt encrusted with jewels that won’t match the winner’s shoes.
THE INSULTS
To whip up excitement for the fight, the fighters stared at each other and hurled expletives and homophobic and racist slurs. McGregor likes to say things like “His little legs, his little core, his little head, I am going to knock him out inside four rounds, mark my words.” Mayweather has lately attempted to be self-deprecating: “I’m not the same fighter as I was years ago, but I got enough to beat you.” Um ... burn?
THE TWEET SCIENCE
McGregor is dominating. He added 12.7 million new followers on social media over the past 12 months versus only 3.4 million for Mayweather, Hookit CEO Scott Tilton told Business Insider. McGregor’s tweet “I am coming sprinting at you with bricks” garnered 664,000 likes. Tweeting from his grave, William Shakespeare said, “R U kidding me?”
THE GLOVES
Oh, the controversy! Given their weight, the fighters are supposed to wear 10-ounce gloves. But Nevada’s boxing commission gave special permission to use eight-ounce gloves. In a Popular Science article, former professional boxer Alex Brenes said “The first time you get hit in a pro fight with an eight-ounce glove, it makes you re-evaluate all the bad decisions you’ve made in your life.” Not sure what that actually means, but it sounds really cool.
THOSE CORONA WOMEN
At every promotional appearance, the fighters have been flanked by two women wearing skimpy Corona beer outfits. You’d think the human race would have evolved beyond such obvious female objectification. On the other hand, two guys are going to make half a billion dollars re-arranging the positions of each other’s brains to entertain five million bloodthirsty fans on pay-per-view. Mankind clearly has problems. AND I CAN’T WAIT!