Mom’s financial stress a burden on wedding

This column was originally published in 2012.

Dear Annie: My parents divorced years ago. Dad waited patiently while Mom chose between him and another man. Mom chose the other guy, but it didn’t work out. Neither have any of her other relationships. Meanwhile, my dad married a lovely, classy and extremely wealthy woman. They have found true happiness, while my mom has become bitter.

I love both of my parents, but it’s difficult to be around my mother when she constantly complains about Dad, saying he has money and she doesn’t. My grandmother had to take over most of Mom’s financial responsibilities, including helping to pay for our expenses growing up.

Here’s the problem. My sister is getting married. She is paying for part of the wedding, but asked our parents to help with the rest. Dad paid his share. Mom, on the other hand, is unable to pay, and Grandma says she isn’t covering the cost. Mom has reached a new level of complaining. She cries and is frequently sick. She’s angry with Grandma. She worries that Dad’s wife will look prettier at the wedding and that her future son-in-law will like my stepmother better.

I want to help, but I think part of this is her own fault. She needs to grow up and live within her means. What can I do? Worried

Dear Worried: There’s only so much reassurance you can give Mom. She might require professional help. But there is no reason to protect your sister. Tell her the wedding is a financial burden that Mom cannot manage, and ask her to cut back on her expenses or find another way to pay for the extra cost. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.