A question of presence and presents
This column was originally published in 2012.
Dear Annie: For years, I have been attending friends’ weddings, showers, graduation parties, birthday parties, engagement parties and other happy occasions. The problem is, these things require me to give up my time and money. I don’t want to make enemies, but I truly do not care that your great-granddaughter is having a baby. I don’t know the girl and wouldn’t recognize her parents. Is there ever a way to retire from being invited to people’s parties? I know I can send regrets along with a gift. What I want is to get on a Do Not Invite list? Please Don’t Invite Me
Dear Please: It’s not that difficult. Respond with regrets, and only send gifts to those people you care about. If your friend’s greatgranddaughter’s second cousin is getting married, you don’t have to go, and you aren’t obligated to send a present.
Dear Annie: I am 63 years old and have been in a serious relationship with “Frank” for four years. The only thing we argue about is his ex-girlfriend.
They are in continuous contact because several years ago he helped her with a substantial loan and she has been slowly paying it back. At first, this didn’t bother me, but after reading a few of her emails asking him to leave me and be with her, she has become a thorn in our relationship.
The real problem is Frank keeps his communication with her secret. I noticed on our cellphone bill that he was texting and speaking with her daily, and some of the texts are sexual. I have asked him to keep their contact transparent. I have pleaded and threatened. He called her in my presence to say she is not to contact him again except about the loan, but within a day, they had switched to his business phone.
She is like a shark circling, waiting for me to leave. He is the only one who has the power to stop it and chooses to let it keep happening, even though he knows it hurts me. By the time you get this, I will have said goodbye. California
Dear California: Glad we could help you sort out your thoughts. We agree that this situation is not healthy, and Frank is not behaving in a trustworthy manner. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.