Russ and Larissa ‘rock’ out with trip to see Coldplay and Ikea in Edmonton

Russ and Larissa recently ventured to the city of Edmonton to attend a concert by the British band Coldplay.

Larissa loves Coldplay. Russ didn’t know how much she loved Coldplay until Larissa bought two tickets to Coldplay and booked a posh hotel room for two nights as a birthday present from both of them to herself, but mainly from herself to herself. She presented these facts to Russ as a fait accompli, but he was all for it because he could look like a supportive husband without doing a lick of shopping. Win, win.

Russ had nothing against Coldplay but to him, Coldplay and Oasis and Radiohead were pretty much the same band. Coldhead? Radioplay? Who?

Actually, he did know that Chris Martin was the frontman of Coldplay. When Russ remembered that Chris Martin was once married to Gwyneth Paltrow, he had much more sympathy for Chris Martin.

But still, a trip to the big city with the lovely Larissa was reason enough to like Coldplay for a day or two.

Their hotel had a brand new Lexus SUV out front and a sign that said guests could request a complimentary ride in it. “Complimentary” happened to be one of Russ’s favourite words, so instead of walking four blocks to the restaurant, they got the concierge to drive them. The Lexus had a stadium-sized info screen and red leather seats. It was like sitting in a home theatre in a mansion but with pedestrians zipping by.

The hotel had a complimentary breakfast as well, and Russ was encouraged to see that Edmonton cuisine was a lot like the food back home so he filled up on scrambled eggs and sausages.

There was one huge difference, however. Edmonton has an Ikea, an Ikea so big that it has its own gravitational pull. All you have to do is get into your car and Ikea will draw you into itself.

In case you’re wondering how middle-aged people kill time before a rock concert, it’s by spending several hours comparing one white melamine shelving unit to another white melamine shelving unit. (Don’t call Russ a hero, that word is thrown around far too much these days).

Ikea did not disappoint. They had everything from laundry hampers to beds to chairs to forks to lamps, and they each had a name like Svunk and Jouleg and Bartt and Njord.

The problem is that Russ and Larissa already have a house full of stuff, so a journey through the fiords of Ikea was a bit like going grocery shopping after you’ve shut down the all-you-can-eat buffet. But they came all that way so they bought a white melamine night table named Llarz or something — it’s quite possible that Ikea won’t let you leave unless you do.

Like Ikea furniture, Coldplay would have taken a long time and many, many hexagonal wrenches to assemble. There were three stages and a long runway for Chris Martin to caper upon. Confetti cannons exploded throughout. There were huge balloons for the audience to bat around. The second song was Yellow. Russ forgot that Yellow was a Coldplay song, which is a good thing because he’s always hated Yellow.

Twenty thousand people were going crazy for Yellow and Russ was thinking “If this was Spaceship Superstar by Prism, I’d be more into it. Now THAT’S a song.”

Before the concert, every ticket holder was handed a wristband that lit up in various colours. The curious thing is that Russ’s wristband didn’t work. It was as if Coldplay knew he wasn’t a believer — like the kid in Polar Express who can’t hear the bell because he doesn’t believe in Santa.

But Larissa believed in Coldplay and she was elated from start to finish. It warmed Russ’s heart to see her so happy and her wristband lighting up when it was supposed to.

Larissa left the concert feeling wonderful. She had songs like Clocks and Fix You no doubt going through her head. Russ was content as well.

He was thinking about Lay It on the Line by Triumph.

Now THAT’S a song.