Apologizing is a good place to start

Dear Annie: I am an 88-year-old father with three grown daughters. I have a substantial amount listed in my will, which originally was to be equally divided.

A year ago, my youngest daughter and I had a falling out. I said something that irritated her, and she said I am not allowed to bring up that subject again. I replied, “Don’t tell me what I can talk about. If you don’t like what I say, don’t call.” And I hung up. She took that literally, and even though I made numerous attempts to reinstate myself into her life, I was rebuffed.

I recently had major surgery. My daughter neither called nor visited. But her husband sent several emails blaming me for the estrangement, saying I should have apologized and what he really thought of me. Frankly, if my daughter had simply acted like nothing happened, it would have been over. Considering how I’ve always helped her financially, you’d think she would have cut me some slack.

When my daughter made no attempt to end this hostility after six months, I had my lawyer remove her as an heir to my estate. Wills can always be changed, and if my daughter behaves better, I’m happy to reinstate her. But right now, I’m still angry and hurt by her intolerable treatment.

S.W. in California

Dear S.W.: Somehow, this altercation has developed into an argument about money. We agree that your daughter and her husband are behaving terribly. However, your age doesn’t absolve you of everything. A good first step toward reconciliation is to apologize for hanging up on her instead of thinking she should treat it as if “nothing happened.” We the relationship will mend. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.