Woman in ‘trapped’ generation speaks for many

This column was originally published in 2012.

Dear Annie: I’m writing on behalf of those of us in the “trapped” generation. We are the ones who grew up thinking Doris Day was the ideal woman. We were college-educated, but still expected to marry and have a family. Many of us limited our careers to parttime efforts.

Then came our husbands’ midlife crises and no-fault divorces. For many of us who had dumbed down our careers to care for our husbands, we weren’t able to make ends meet once the childsupport payments stopped. For some of us, we had sacrificed further education or job advances for our husbands’ careers.

According to the Social Security Administration, I never earned more than $10,000 per year until I was 45 years old. The divorce decree stated that I was to split the children’s college costs equally with my ex, who was making three times my salary. I’ve run up a lot of personal debt paying for my kids’ education, and now, at age 60, I’m making what my husband made 30 years ago. I work hard, but can’t seem to get ahead. Women like me are tired of struggling financially and raising kids while their fathers find new trophy wives. If your male readers are wondering where the faithful women are, we are sitting home, living with the remnants of the stresses from one-sided divorces. I hope that real companionship is still a possibility.

Thwarted

Dear Thwarted: We are sure you speak for many women. But please don’t give up. Your children are grown now. If you want to meet men (or anyone), devote some time to yourself. Look into activities and organizations that are free, low-cost or volunteer, and see if you can break out of the cycle you are in.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.