‘Wonderful’ man takes road rage to new low

Dear Annie: My husband is a wonderful man in almost every respect. But when we are in the car together, he uses road rage to manipulate me into agreeing to things I don’t want. He’ll drive threateningly if I don’t say it’s OK for him to take that fishing trip or go to a movie. When he is the driver, he controls everyone.

I have pointed this out to him, but it always ends in a terrible fight. Worse, he punishes me by saying, “I won’t go to that movie with you.” He accuses me of provoking him.

My husband’s nephew was the target of the same abuse when we travelled recently. The boy was behaving like an angel, when suddenly my husband became enraged and demanded all sorts of concessions from his nephew.

For the longest time, I didn’t realize what was going on. I thought he just couldn’t handle driving. What I didn’t understand is that he uses road rage as a form of bullying and abuse.

I don’t know whether we will ever go on another trip together or even to a movie, but I am willing to go by myself or with a friend — and my husband knows it. Virginia Wife

Dear Virginia: You are wise not to get into a car with this maniac. Since your husband is “wonderful” when he isn’t driving, however, please consider counselling. You don’t know how he will respond until you ask and make it clear how unhappy you are about such controlling behaviour. (But go in separate cars.)

Dear Annie: Members of my family love to extend invitations to birthday parties at a restaurant of their choice, and they expect you to bring a gift and pay for your own meal. It is my understanding that the host handles the food bill in expectation that the guests will bring gifts and have a great time. This is the way I have known it to be done. Social etiquette among my family members has become strained and has caused me to decline invitations. Confused in N.C.

Dear Confused: The hosts should pay for the food. Unfortunately, many folks don’t realize this or don’t care. In your case, however, you already know that your relatives expect you to foot your own bill, so consider these invitations “pot luck” and accept or decline according to your preference. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.