Mother needs to give teen daughter some space
This column was originally published in 2005.
Dear Annie: I am 14 years old and have one problem: my mom. Besides this one thing, she’s great, and I love her.
Whenever I have friends over, mom butts into the conversation or makes jokes that aren’t funny and might even be offensive. If we are on the computer, she sits and watches what we are doing.
I’ve confronted her about this and she says that she has every right to talk to my friends and be involved. I don’t mean to exclude her. I just want a little privacy. Can you help? No Friends Because of Mom
Dear No Friends: Don’t assume your friends will think less of you because of your mother. They are smart enough to know you are separate individuals. Parents need to supervise, but they don’t always know how to do it without being intrusive. Walking by the room while you are on the computer is sufficient to check out the sites. Periodically asking your friends if they want a snack is enough conversation. If explaining it to Mom doesn’t help, show her this letter, and tell her you wrote it.
Dear Annie: I am a 20-year-old male in a rather unusual situation. I have been intrigued by cross-dressing since I was 12 and, as a result, took to borrowing a few things from my mother, mainly underwear. I don’t know what to do. I feel ashamed and embarrassed taking these things but do not want to stop. I don’t feel as if I am hurting anyone. In fact, I’ve seriously thought about letting mom catch me in the process of stealing her things so I wouldn’t feel so guilty doing it behind her back. A couple of years ago, I never thought I could bear talking about cross-dressing, but now I think it might be helpful to discuss it with my mother. However, I’m afraid it could go badly and I’ll never again be able to look her in the eyes. Please help. Confused
Dear Confused: Crossdressing is not like putting on a costume. The behaviour is more compulsive, but you can curb aspects of it so you are not out of control.
Most cross-dressers are heterosexual, often married and find comfort in cross-dressing. There is sometimes a sexual element to it, but not always. It would be helpful if you could discuss this with your mother. She might be more receptive than you think, since she likely is aware that you are taking her clothes. Until then, you can find information and support through The Society for the Second Self Inc. (tri-ess.org).