Cheating partner in the wrong

This column was originally published in 2012.

Dear Annie: In the 20 years I’ve been with my partner, I’ve had suspicions that he’s cheated. Whenever I confront him, he becomes angry and tries to turn it around on me. I finally decided I had to know, so I bought mini digital-voice recorders and left them on in the house whenever I’d leave for work. Lo and behold, my suspicions were correct.

My problem now is how to confront him with the proof. I’m not proud that I’ve been spying on him for weeks. But he would never own up to his cheating unless it was indisputable. I know he will be angry with me, but what he has done is wrong.

He keeps telling me we need to work on us. How is that possible when he makes a phone call to his “girlfriend” every morning after I leave for work? This is making me physically ill. — Had to Know Dear Had: Your boyfriend’s behaviour made you suspicious, so you took the step of finding proof. And you found it. Stop berating yourself for doing a little private detective work. Your boyfriend is cheating. He will continue to make excuses and try to put the blame on you. Tell him what you discovered, show him the proof and tell him it’s over. And mean it.

Dear Annie: Christmas is coming in a few months. Teachers appreciate gifts from their students, but I know many teachers who spend their own money on classroom needs. Please suggest that students consider giving teachers a gift card to places that offer school supplies and also for coffee shops, microwave soups and other consumables.

Similarly, our senior citizens could benefit from practical items like store and restaurant gift cards, postage stamps, etc. They do not need any more knick-knacks to gather dust. — J.M. Dear J.M.: You have made some excellent, sensible suggestions, and we hope those who are giving holiday gifts to teachers and seniors will keep them in mind.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.