Make sure he’s the father ... first
This column was originally published in 2012.
Dear Annie: Several months ago, my 17-year-old son’s ex-girlfriend had a baby. I was upset at first, but then realized the couple was young and needed help. My house now looks like a day-care centre.
For the whole nine months, I was part of the pregnancy. I paid for the mother to have an additional ultrasound, purchased a heartbeat bear for her and threw her a baby shower. Her mother helped a little, but not much.
Two days after the baby shower, she told my son he isn’t the father. He doesn’t believe it and is really hurt. When the baby was born, we were notified via text. My son filed for paternity, and the mother was given 20 days to respond. She didn’t. My son took his DNA test, and his ex-girlfriend hired a lawyer.
The mother of my grandson is 20 years old, and I believe she is scared of her mother.
That woman kept her own children away from their biological father and controls everything about her children. She doesn’t allow her daughter to take the baby out of the house without a family member accompanying her. When the baby’s mother goes to work, she takes the baby with her.
We cannot get any answers from them about why they won’t allow us to be part of our new grandchild’s life. It’s been two months, and we haven’t been able to see or hold him yet. What can we do?
Heartbroken Mawmaw Dear Heartbroken: Your son has taken a DNA test, and right now, all you can do is wait for the results. If it turns out the baby is not his, please let it go, no matter how difficult that would be for you. However, if the baby is your son’s child, he should get a lawyer, file for joint custody and put a visitation and child support plan into effect as soon as possible. Dear Annie: I am a retired person in my 60s who has been successful as a parent, spouse, environmental activist, employee and now as a community volunteer.
I have a simple plea: Please be more tolerant, respectful and civil when you express your political and religious beliefs to friends and family. Just because someone doesn’t share your exact interpretation of the Constitution or the Bible doesn’t mean they’re less patriotic or spiritual than you. Tolerance and willingness to compromise are founding principles of democracy.
In Favour of Tolerance and Respect
Dear In Favour: Amen. We don’t know why it has become so difficult for people to express themselves without resorting to anger and violence, but it’s time to stop. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.