ANNIE’S MAILBOX Son gets in the middle of everything

Dear Annie: My wife and I have a wonderful three-year-old son. We have a great home and make good money, but life stinks.

For the past year, my wife has insisted on allowing our son to sleep in our bed. We have not been able to do the one thing that married people do in bed.

When my wife puts our son in his own bed, she unbuttons her shirt and lets him nurse until he falls asleep. Without fail, he wakes up before midnight and walks into our room. If I tell him to go back to his room, he starts crying, and my wife then permits him to crawl into our bed.

I went to a therapist, who advised me to tell my wife, “You can sleep in our son’s bed if you want it that way.” Guess what? She did. He’s the clingiest kid I ever saw, and his mom seems to need him a lot more than he needs her.

Dear N.Y.: Your wife is using her son as an excuse to avoid intimacy. This does a disservice not only to your marriage, but to your child. He is learning that if he cries, he’ll get whatever he wants and that he’s winning the competition for mom’s affections. Please don’t blame your son for being “clingy,” and try not to focus on your sexual frustration. Instead, try to get your wife to understand that her behaviour is unfair to the boy. Urge her to discuss this with her doctor, your child’s pediatrician or a counsellor.

Dear Annie: I’ve been friends with “Sue” and “Mary” for years. Last year, I asked Sue to drive me to a cosmetic medical procedure in another state. She agreed and also wanted the procedure. She asked me to include Mary.

We set tentative dates, and I made motel reservations and arranged clinic availability. Mary kept changing her mind and finally admitted she didn’t want the procedure. When she cancelled again, Sue moved up our departure time. Mary then reconsidered and wanted to come. I told her the departure time had been moved up, and she said she’d drive herself and meet us there.

Two days later, Mary sent me a letter saying she wasn’t coming and lambasted me because I “didn’t know what it was to be a friend.” That was a year ago, and we have yet to speak.

Dear Crowd: You don’t owe her an apology, although it might help to say you’re sorry things became so complicated. But after all this time, we have to assume Mary isn’t interested in renewing your bond.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.