Maybe Homer Simpson could handle the snow

A classic episode of The Simpsons depicts Homer Simpson’s successful campaign for sanitation commissioner on a reckless platform of popular but impractically expensive promises.

The episode lampoons the ease with which popularity sometimes eclipses practicality as Homer wins a landslide election by pledging round-the-clock garbage service.

That sort of dynamic is not confined to TV cartoons. Saskatoon city hall’s scheme for citywide snow removal, while not quite cartoonish, certainly seems ripe for parody.

That’s especially true after city council again punted the, uh, plan for another year.

Council deferred increased spending on snow and ice management by $1.2 million in 2018 in the face of a tight budget.

So we’re no closer to citywide residential snow removal, but it remains unclear just how close we would have been had the extra spending been approved.

In 2015, council voted to increase property taxes by 0.55 per cent for several years in order to build up $9.4 million in annual funding that would reportedly be enough to pay for the removal of all snow on all streets in Saskatoon. That seems low, and it is.

That amount would cover two snow removals every three years, likely less than the people who supported this initiative have in mind. Many years of tax hikes would have produced a situation where the city could have run out of cash for snow removal in the third year.

It also does not account for the estimated $63 million to $92 million it would cost to build three to four new snow dump facilities, not to mention find acceptable spots where they can be built. Capital projects of this magnitude almost always require substantial amounts of federal or provincial money to be built, but it seems unlikely any higher level of government would contribute money to a such a shaky (or flaky?) venture.

The city council of 2015 expressed concern about raising residents’ hopes that citywide snow removal would appear soon, which showed a level of foresight lacking in the rest of the endeavour. This would qualify as poor planning, if a plan really exists. Unanswered questions abound, such as target dates for building snow dumps and ensuring there are enough loaders and dump trucks to clear Saskatoon’s 4,000 lane kilometres of roadways. That’s about the distance from Vancouver to Quebec City. Local roads account for half of that.

It’s important to remember there’s a big difference between snow clearing and snow removal.

As for the spending that was nixed next year, less than half of that was dedicated to increased nighttime snow removal. The rest was a mix of initiatives like fully staffing two sanding vehicles, which could improve winter driving but would not actually remove any more snow.

A pilot project to remove ice ruts from neighbourhoods would have allegedly tested the “logistics” of a citywide snow removal program. How removing ice ruts would accomplish that is not explained.

Another program would have sent squads to clear snow from various areas to remind residents of their snow-clearing responsibilities. The city’s report on this used terms like “rapid response teams” and “specialized forces” — like U.S. Navy Seals would be deployed.

This entire citywide snow removal venture seems an odd undertaking for a city hall that professes to believe in working to combat climate change. Removing snow on such a massive scale would produce a lot more greenhouse gas emissions. Ironically, higher emissions and rising temperatures would result in less snow — in an irresponsible, roundabout way.

It’s high time the city did a comprehensive survey of other municipalities in Canada to see whether citywide snow removal has ever been successfully implemented in a city the size of Saskatoon. Everyone understands the appeal of waking up in December to find all streets clear of snow, but waiting for leprechauns riding unicorns to clear the roads seems as realistic as the city’s so-called plan.

Building another new art gallery sounds like a more responsible use of taxpayers’ money.

There seems little doubt that citywide snow removal remains popular, but two years in, it appears to be as viable as a snowball in a firepit.

Come to think of it, there’s also an old Simpsons episode where Homer starts a snowclearing business.