Time to kill off the ex’s power play

Dear Annie: Two years ago, I walked away from a 28-year marriage. A year after my divorce was final, I began seeing an old family friend. My ex-husband has decided that the only possible reason why I left him is another man, because in his humble opinion, he was perfect during our marriage. I have told him repeatedly why I left, but he doesn’t hear a word I say.

The problem is we share grandchildren. My grandson is having a birthday soon, and my ex has given our daughter explicit orders that I am not to bring my new boyfriend.

My daughter understands that her father is being unreasonable, but he is their father, and they love him.

One of my sons actually confronted my ex about this before, and my ex didn’t speak to him for months. He told our son that he was taking my side by accepting my boyfriend.

I live with my boyfriend, and my ex has a live-in girlfriend whom he plans to bring to the birthday party.

I am heartbroken that my ex is treating his children this way and even more upset that my kids won’t stand up for themselves or for me. I fear this will never end.

What happens when our stillsingle son gets married? Heartbroken Mom in Connecticut

Dear Connecticut: Your children must call Dad’s bluff, or he will continue to marginalize you and any partner you have. This is a power play to control all of you. Unfortunately, you cannot force your children to risk the relationship by showing backbone. Whether you attend these functions is up to you. A child’s birthday party is not as big a deal as a son’s wedding. Pick your battles.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.