Meet with ex’s family

Originally published in 2012.

Dear Annie: My ex-husband and I have been divorced for three years. It was his idea. He cheated on me with several women.

His family, however, was extremely cruel, calling me all kinds of names and telling me I was a terrible mother and the worst thing that ever happened to them. Now they won’t speak to me. I was hurt and shocked by their treatment, because I thought we were friends. I assume my ex lied to them and made them believe it was my fault.

My ex-husband lives far away and only sees the children once or twice a year. He’s also more than $40,000 behind on his child support. His family lives closer, and they want to come over and see the kids on their own. My ex says his father is ill, and they don’t know how much time he has left. So far, I have refused. I have no legal obligation to his family.

The truth is, I would love for the children to have a relationship with his family, but I can’t get over how nasty they have been to me. They have never apologized or reached out.

When my ex is in town, he will bring them to see the kids, but they still won’t speak to me. My ex tells me that I am only punishing the children by not letting them see his family. Is it wrong for me to keep my kids away from people who have been so terrible? I worry about the lies my former in-laws would tell them. Still Hurt

Dear Still: You are holding all the cards here. Offer a supervised visitation for the grandparents. Tell them they can see the children provided they treat you civilly and behave appropriately. You will be present the entire time, and if they say or do anything untoward, that ends the visit. This allows the kids to see their grandparents, and it prevents the lies. In time, it may also heal some of the open wounds.

Dear Annie: No one could love animals more than I do. But let me ask all of you pet lovers this question: How would you feel if I walked into your house and relieved myself on your carpeting or hardwood floor? This is an advisory to all those pet owners who take undisciplined animals into other people’s homes: Please don’t. It is neither right nor fair. Animal Lover

Dear Animal Lover: Many consider their pets to be their children, but they would be appalled if a child were permitted to soil their carpet. We hope your letter will inspire them to be equally considerate when it comes to their animal companions.