THE LAMENTABLE LOSS OF THE ‘CLIMBING BOYS’ AND ‘GRID GIRLS’
Outrage at people who take action to make the world a better place is nothing new
Last week, Formula One Racing announced it will no longer employ “grid girls” and “podium girls.”
In case you were wondering, yes, this is the end of the world.
“It’s yet another case of a bunch of over privileged, middle-aged white men taking it upon themselves to make the world a better place for women,” declaimed New Zealand motorsports writer Eric Thompson.
Surely, we can support Eric in this — being outraged at things that make the world better for women, that is.
How could such a horrible thing be happening ? Maybe there’s a clue in the title. “Grid girls.” Maybe if you’re still calling women “girls,” you should time travel back to the Pleistocene era and race sabre-toothed tigers.
What did “grid girls” do, anyway? Oh my goodness, where to begin? For starters, they stood on the track before the race and held signs with numbers on them indicating each driver’s starting position. For decades, there was absolutely no other way to obtain this information. Meanwhile, “podium girls” undertook the difficult and dangerous work of standing near the winners high up on scaffolding, occasionally to be sprayed with champagne. Oh, that Franco Pirelli, what a jokester.
“Grid girls” made such an important contribution to humanity that there is a backlash against their dismissal.
“Ridiculous that women who say they are ‘fighting for women’s rights’ are saying what others should and shouldn’t do, stopping us from doing a job we love and are proud to do. PC gone mad,” tweeted former “grid girl” Rebecca Cooper.
But the insanity has not stopped at Formula One. “Walkon girls” have been dropped from professional darts in the United Kingdom.
“Walk-on girls” escorted players onto the stage. Why? Because a professional dart player, who can hit three triple 20s while sweating bullets in a hushed room with thousands of dollars on the line, CAN’T BE TRUSTED TO FIND THE DART BOARD.
Oh, the paroxysms of grief over the persecution of walk-on girls! It puts tears in the eyes, it really does.
“The PC brigade are out in strength and it’s causing changes in sport everywhere we look — and it’s probably going to get worse,” said Barry Hearn, Professional Dart Corporation chairman.
Going to get worse? How is that even possible? Here’s how: Some are now wondering if bikiniclad “ring girls” have a place in boxing and mixed martial arts. “Ring girls” walk around the ring between rounds with signs showing the number of the next round, saving fans the trouble of learning how to count to 10.
“At the end of the day, it’s a girl’s right to do whatever job she wants,” ring girl Danielle Hanson told the UK Sun.
True that. All girls should work where they want. During the Industrial Revolution, for example, girls got to work 14 hours a day in dim textile mills because they were small enough to squeeze under thundering machinery to sweep up bits of cotton while inhaling lung-killing fibres and losing fingers, arms and legs.
Boys were useful, too, particularly if they were malnourished, because they fit into nine-inchwide chimneys to clean out carcinogenic soot. They got to sleep on bags full of creosote and enjoyed up to three baths a year for the seven years of their unpaid apprenticeships. Sadly, by 1875, the politically correct British Parliament stepped in — another example of privileged, middle-aged white men taking it upon themselves to make the world a better place.
But is it fair to compare the work of “grid girls” to the occupations of 1812 street urchins? Of course not! “Climbing boys” and “mule scavengers” actually did useful work.
Unfortunately, they lived in an unsophisticated age when people didn’t know any better and lacked the imagination, will and courage to change. Not like today, heavens no!