Bride gets tough with invites

Originally published in 2013.

Dear Annie: Would you please define “immediate family?”

My granddaughter is getting married in May. She is inviting “immediate family only,” thus excluding my daughter (her aunt) and my daughter-inlaw’s sister.

This is going to cause a lot of hurt feelings and might even create a split in the family.

I’m invited, but not my male friend of 14 years. I’ve talked to my son, the father of the bride, but he doesn’t want to get involved.

Our side of the family is not as large as the groom’s. My ex-husband (the grandfather) won’t be attending. Why can’t my daughter take his place?

What about my daughter’ s husband? My relationship with my granddaughter is very close, so I don’t understand this, and it’s causing tremendous stress. Please advise. Gram

Dear Gram: “Immediate family” refers to the bridal couple’s parents and siblings. (If the bride and groom have children, they would also be part of the immediate family.)

Grandparents are usually included as “immediate family,” but not aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws or other relatives.

Your companion of 14 years should be invited because the two of you are an established couple.

If your daughter is invited, her husband should be, as well.

Your granddaughter gets to determine her side of the wedding list.

Although we understand how painful this is for you, as long as ALL aunts, uncles and cousins are excluded, it is equitable.