Jealous mothers break bonds

Originally published in 2013.

Dear Annie: I always felt that my mother and I were inseparable. I never thought I would be blessed to marry a wonderful man and that it would damage our relationship, but it did.

My mom has had a great influence on my life for 32 years, but this had to end. She only developed a problem with my then-boyfriend when she learned it was serious.

She tried everything to break us up, including having him investigated. She told me he was “no good.” I chose to pray and follow my heart and not listen to her. I’m happy I did. I couldn’t ask for a better husband.

Mom didn’t come to my wedding and refuses to come to my house, saying I chose a man over her. But I cannot allow her to continue to be disrespectful of my husband. Please tell your readers that trying to control your children will only push them away and create resentment. My mom centred her life on me and now feels lost.

I’m still struggling to adjust to not having her in my life, but I refuse to leave my husband to make her happy. I’ve made great choices. I completed graduate school and have a terrific career. Many mothers would love to have a daughter and son-in-law like us. Is there anything I can do? Missing My Mother but Loving My Husband

Dear Missing: Your mother’s jealousy has clouded her thinking, and instead of a close, warm relationship with you, your husband and your future children, she has isolated herself in bitterness. We hope you will give her the opportunity to get past this, although it may take time and a good deal of forgiveness on your part.

Continue to periodically reach out to her, inviting her to your home with the understanding that she must treat your husband with decency.

Over time, we suspect she’ll miss you enough to make the effort. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.