What if your steering wheel falls off?
I had a 1950 Dodge truck once that was super-cool.
One day, while driving down Queen Street, a car cut me off. Being more volatile than I am now, I laid on the horn. I did this while yanking the steering wheel to avoid a collision. Result: The chrome horn ring came off the wheel. Apparently, I had done exactly what you’re supposed to do to remove a 1950 Dodge horn ring: press down while turning the wheel to the right. The problem was that I didn’t intend to remove the horn ring. Also, I could never get it back on. Irascible youth that I was, I found this rather ... disappointing.
But it could have been worse; the whole steering wheel didn’t, you know, fall off. I’m therefore gobsmacked that a modern vehicle might have its steering wheel detach. Can you imagine the panic? The wheel is suddenly in your hands instead of on the steering column. I picture myself turning the wheel, loose and in the air, just to verify I have no control.
The U.S. National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) doesn’t like such scenarios. It issued a recall this week of 1.4 million 2014 to 2018 Ford Fusion and Lincoln MKZ models.
“A steering wheel separation while driving can cause a loss of vehicle control and increase the risk of a crash,” the NHTSA said, posing as Captain Obvious.
Conspiracy break: What’s the endgame here? Clearly, automakers are seeking the early adoption of self-driving vehicles by nefariously making everyone afraid to touch their own steering wheels.
One can’t help wondering what uber-cocky Lincoln pitchman Matthew McConaughey would think. In a recent ad, he smirkingly waits for a train while tapping out a rhythm on his Lincoln steering wheel. Maybe he’s just making sure it’s not loose.
This isn’t the first such recall, by the way. Last month, Hyundai recalled 44,000 Santa Fe SUVs because the steering wheels might come off. See your dealer for details.
Not to brag, but I built a gokart once and it steered great, thanks to ropes tied to the front axle. Zero recalls.
But steering wheels do fall off. Hence the plethora of photos on the internet of cars that have Vice- Grips instead of steering wheels. What you sacrifice in safety is more than made up for in style. In 2013, a man in Adelaide, Australia was arrested with a pair of Vice- Grips on his steering shaft. “Police were gobsmacked,” said reporter Andrea Nicol. “It goes beyond stupidity,” said a police officer. Well that’s rather harsh, isn’t it?
Maybe we’re just asking too much of the modern steering wheel. My sister’s Saturn Vue developed an unfortunate tendency to emit wisps of smoke from behind the steering wheel. General Motors doesn’t make Vues anymore. Or Saturns. The heater fan stopped working on my buddy’s pickup once. The problem was traced to the steering column. Of course! The first place you’d look.
Steering wheels have long since moved on from merely steering. They now have airbags in them. They have heaters and cruise control and sound system buttons and a switch that shoots a speargun at people who deserve it (in my imagination).
Sometimes they also have horns in them, although many cars have had horn switches in the signal light stalk, which goes beyond stupidity because it’s impossible to express your rage by looking like you’re turning right. What you want is to flat-palm the hub of the steering wheel and blast away until the trim ring falls off ?