Grieving comes in many forms

Originally published in 2013.

Dear Annie: My maternal grandparents passed within months of each other. My mother hated her parents and kept them away from us. I never knew them well.

I’m in my late 20s and have never been an emotional person. I went to my grandparents’ funerals out of respect, but my sister went overboard, sobbing and moaning during the service even though she knew them less than I did. For weeks after, she emailed and texted me saying she couldn’t sleep and that she’d never “fill the hole.” My sister and my parents say I’m heartless because I didn’t respond this way. People grieve in different ways. How do I nicely ask them to please stop crying on me because it’s making me uncomfortable?

Not Grieving That Much

Dear Grieving: Unless someone is crying on you day after day, please try to tolerate what you can, and then gently extricate yourself. Pat them on the shoulder. Get them a seat. Ask if they need a tissue.

Then walk away. You don’t have to demonstrate such obvious mourning yourself.

You are not obligated to put on a show. But it would be useful to learn how to convey sympathy to others, whether you believe they deserve it.

Dear Annie: I was surprised to learn that people register for housewarming gifts. I thought housewarming gifts were something simple like a loaf of bread, a bottle of wine or flowers.

A neighbour brought me a cutting from a cactus that has bloomed on time for more than 40 years.

Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I thought you furnished your house yourself as you were able over the years.

Canaan, Conn.

Dear Canaan: Most guests bring gifts to a housewarming. A registry is a bit much, but there is nothing wrong with having a friend or relative make suggestions when asked.