Are you sure he’s your best friend?

Originally published in 2013.

Dear Annie: Recently, I invited my best friend, “Evan,” and his family of four to join my family at a popular out-of-state theme park. Our children are similar ages, and we have always got along well even though we live in different states.

My wife and I are members of a vacation program and offered to use our hotel points to save Evan a great deal of money. We didn’t expect anything in return, but we had discussed how much fun we’d have together. This didn’t happen. Evan and his family ignored us, made no effort to interact with my wife or children, and had other friends and family join them at the resort and in our shared rooms.

The final insult occurred on the last day, when they left the resort without saying goodbye or even thanking us for the stay.

Clearly, Evan took advantage of our kindness, and interactions since indicate his family is oblivious to their behaviour. Are we wrong to have expected them to spend time with us? Evan and I have a long history, and I want to preserve the friendship. I prefer to drop this issue, while my wife wants to wash our hands of these people. Is there a tactful way to address this? No Explanation Given

Dear No: The friendship you are trying to preserve is the one between you and Evan, so let your wife know she’s off the hook. Even if there is some reason for their rude behaviour, that’s not an excuse.

They were also unappreciative of your generosity. It’s fine for you to remain in contact with Evan, but don’t plan any more vacation trips. If Evan should bring up this possibility, say that he and his kids seemed uninterested in spending time with you before, so you think it’s best not to repeat the experience.