This Dennis is a menace
Originally published in 2013.
Dear Annie: I have been married to “Dennis” for eight years. Early on, Dennis couldn’t do enough for me. Now, if my car won’t start, he yells at me and says to call a tow truck. If I ask him to spend time with me, he always has other things to do. On the rare occasion when we attend a social event together, he abandons me so he can “work the room” and have a great time with everyone else.
Dennis will go above and beyond for others. It doesn’t matter if it’s the middle of the night, raining, snowing, spending money we don’t have, missing meals, birthdays, holidays and our daughter’s school programs. If it’s a chance to make himself look good, he’s there with a smile and compassion. I get the repairman to take care of me with a handshake and a bill. But when I ask Dennis to treat his family with the same enthusiasm, he calls me a selfish nag.
Yes, I resent all the people he helps, because they get the side of my husband that belongs to me. I’m told to take care of myself because he’s too busy helping others and inflating his ego. I get whatever is leftover. I love Dennis, but I’m starting to feel that he only gave me his adoration and helpfulness because he was trying to win my heart.
Wife of the Plumber with Leaky Pipes at Home
Dear Wife: Some people put on a good show for others, but at home, they let down the facade. We recommend counselling, preferably with Dennis, but without him if necessary. We also suggest you stop relying on your husband to provide your social life. Instead of sitting “miserable and forgotten,” develop your conversational skills. Get involved in some local activities that interest you so you are less dependent on Dennis’s availability.
Dear Annie: I’m a retired teacher and would like to request that you stop recommending high school students see their guidance counsellors for any problems other than course requirements.
While it may be widely thought that they are there for guidance on personal issues, most of them, in my experience, are the last person I would recommend a student speak to about family or emotional issues.
This may sound harsh, but they aren’t compassionate and caring individuals. Perhaps they are in elementary and middle schools, but not in high schools. Their time is taken up with increasing requirements for graduation and dealing with failing students. Their general attitude is that they have no time for anything else.
Retired Teacher
Dear Teacher: We know high school guidance counsellors are primarily there to help students navigate their future academic lives. But we are certain most would take issue with your comment that they aren’t compassionate and caring. Perhaps that was the case in your school, but there are many students whose lives have been changed by kind and concerned guidance counsellors who understand that a student’s personal life can interfere with his or her academic success.