Weather finally smartens up; bad guys don’t
Kodiak of Crime leaves her cave after long winter to see who was up to no good in April
The voice mail was garbled. Crimes of the Month called, saying it spent the winter in the south of France. OR maybe it was “wearing two pairs of pants.”
Either way, after a long hibernation, your favourite Kodiak of Crime has emerged from her cave just in time to see who did bad things in April and what happened to them.
CYCLE MANIA
Speaking of spring, while law-abiding citizens of Berrytown wait for the first crocus to appear, city police have another harbinger to worry about: the Wild Yahoo.
This particular one made a not-so-subtle cameo on a Saturday afternoon around 4 p.m. by passing police “at a high rate of speed at Idylwyld Drive and 25th Street.” Officers discontinued the pursuit but the police airplane observed the rider drive erratically to the north industrial area and crash in a parking lot. He was charged with impaired driving, dangerous driving, etc., etc. Spring has officially sprung.
FOOLING NO ONE
Who knew there was a marijuana store on St. George Avenue? Most people didn’t, until someone broke into it on April 1, coining a new expression: “people who run illegal cannabis shops shouldn’t have glass doors.”
IS IT THE CAR?
Two days later, police tried unsuccessfully to pull over a Chrysler 300. You know the rest — police plane follows, car drives out of town, turns back, drives over a “tire deflation device” and stops at a gas station allowing yet another law enforcement officer — this of the four-legged, sharp-of-teeth variety — to arrest the unco-operative driver. The female passenger was arrested “without incident” — proving again that women are smarter than men.
Note that this Chrysler 300 wasn’t the one that hit a motorcycle in North Battleford in October or the Chrysler 300 that led police to Maidstone after a car jacking and shooting in Edmonton. Or, indeed, the Chrysler 300 that was stolen in November — the one where the occupants sauntered off, only to be tracked in the fresh snow before having 60 charges laid against them. Note to bad guys: A Kia blends in better, particularly when it doesn’t have shotguns in the trunk.
POWER TAKE-OFF
Not publicized until April, but occurring between Oct. 17 and 18, was the theft of three green tractors from a business in Kelvington. They’re worth $46,000. Police are still trying to find them. Unfortunately, nothing runs like a Deere.
THE BELL TOLLS FOR THEE
Also in Kelvington, hotbed of crime, RCMP reported the theft of cash, coins, and cheques from the United Church. There was no damage to the church, thank God, but heaven knows where the money is now.
DOESN’T AUGER WELL
Leader RCMP are looking for the person or persons responsible for the theft of $18,000 worth of canola from Mantario. (Yes, there’s a Mantario in Saskatchewan.) Note that it was canola that was stolen, not cannoli, which are more common in, say, New Jersey.
JUSTICE NEVER SLEEPS
A builder was so fed up with theft at his construction site on Kensington Boulevard that he decided to sleep there in his van on April 10. Around 2:30 a.m., he was awakened when a 28-yearold suspect broke into his trailer. It’s not known if the culprit was sober or hammered.
THE HUNT
On April 20, the city was on edge. The title of the official police press release: “Moose on the Loose.”
A short time later came the all-clear.
“Moose no longer on the loose.” Relief was short-lived, however. The next advisory: “Another Moose on the Loose.”
The animal is still at large. And large.