Put the brakes on freeloading relatives

Originally published in 2013.

Dear Annie: Nine years ago, my husband and I bought a large house with extra bedrooms so we could have his ailing, aging parents move in with us. We cared for them until they died.

The problem is, now every family member, no matter how distant, has decided that our large house is their free vacation spot. They invite themselves year-round and stay for days, eating our food, swimming in our pool, watching our TV and making themselves at home and never offering to pay for anything. How can I stop this trend without offending our family members?

Tired of Running a Hotel in Florida

Dear Florida: You have to stand firm, while being pleasant. If Cousin Jake says, “I’ll be in town next month and will stay with you,” reply, “I’m SO sorry, but we are simply not up to having people in the house. I’ll be happy to give you the phone number of the nearest hotel, and we can meet for dinner. We’d love to see you.” No matter how many times he protests, stick to your guns — but sweetly.

Dear Annie: I’m from a big blended family, and we’re the type who believe family is everything.

I recently moved an hour away from my dad, his wife and their kids. I love my dad, but I can’t stand his wife. She is constantly talking down to my siblings and me (from dad’s previous marriages). We aren’t treated nearly as well as the kids she and dad have together.

When I was younger, I struggled with my weight and have worked very hard to maintain a healthy size. But whenever I visit dad’s house, his wife constantly makes comments about how I need to watch what I eat. At the moment, I have cut back on my hours at the gym because of an injured knee, but she acts as if I’ve never worked out a day in my life.

I’d love to cut all ties to her, but I can’t imagine not ever speaking to my dad again. Plus, I worry what my grandparents would think of me for doing that. My dad and I don’t discuss our feelings, because he doesn’t like talking about them. Should I continue visiting my dad and simply put up with his wife? Or is it time to cut them out of my life?

Lost in the Middle of Nowhere

Dear Lost: This doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Cutting dad off because of his wife seems like you’re punishing him for marrying her. Instead, tell your father how you feel, even if he doesn’t respond. Simply say that you find it difficult to listen to the constant criticisms about your weight and you no longer feel comfortable visiting him in his home. You can stay with other relatives or friends — or even in a hotel — and meet in a neutral location, with or without his wife. You also can stay in touch by email and phone calls.