Book of letters by widows cathartic, says author
Collection provides insight into grief
A Saskatchewan author’s book of letters written by widows to their past selves is due for release this Thursday.
After becoming a widow in October 2014, Dianne Young of Martensville found help by writing a letter to herself and reflecting on what she had learned through her grief journey.
She wrote the letter a year and a half after her husband of 30 years, Bill, passed away.
“I thought ‘Well, I wonder, if I could write a letter to myself, you know, send it back in time, what would I tell myself,’ ” she said. “It was hard, but it was also, I guess, uplifting when I looked back.
“Yes, I did make it,” she said. “It’s not something that you get over, but that you learn to adjust to your new life and to see, to put down in words how I did that for myself was helpful to me.”
She began to wonder what other widows would tell themselves if they could go back, and the idea for her book Dear Me: The Widow Letters was born.
She began by asking other widows she knew if they would consider writing a letter to themselves, and from there the project spread mostly by word of mouth. After around two years of receiving letters from widows across North America, Young selected 20 to be included in the book.
“It was interesting because (in) every letter I could find something that was similar to my own experience, but I could also find something that was different than my own experience in every letter,” said Young.
“There is no wrong way to grieve, but there’s a lot of different ways to grieve.”
The book contains letters from widows of varying ages who were with their partners for different lengths of time, but Young said the grief for all is the same.
“There is no easier or harder when it comes to being a widow. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been married for a year or 80 years, the loss isn’t easier or harder for one or the other,” she said.
“Grief is grief, and it’s unique and universal at the same time.”
Young hopes her book will help everyone understand what a widow goes through and how to better communicate with them, but also that it would show other widows what helped people work through their grief.
“There were days where honestly I thought I was going crazy because I thought surely nobody else would be doing this or have this happen or nobody else would understand this,” said Young.
“To see that other people had had similar instances or fears or self-doubt ... it was good to see that.”
Young also hopes the book will help people become more comfortable talking about death.
“We don’t talk about it,” she said. “Death is a very uncomfortable subject in our culture.
“We’re all going to face it one way or another, so to just turn a blind eye or avoid the subject isn’t really helpful for anyone.”
Young will be in Saskatoon for a launch event on Thursday, set to begin at 7. p.m. at St. Martin’s United Church.
A Regina launch will follow on Friday, June 8 at 7 p.m. at Chapters in Southland Mall.