Mother-in-law to be avoided

Dear Annie: I’ve been married to a wonderful man for 35 years and have terrific children and beautiful grandchildren. Our marriage has been great, except for my manipulative and emotionally blackmailing mother-in-law.

Our only fights have stemmed from lies and made-up stories this woman tells.

She recently pulled the ultimate scheme. Knowing that I had never met my son’s fiancée, my mother-in-law took it upon herself to tell her the “truth” about me. After a three-hour visit with my soon-to-be daughter-in-law and her parents, the poor girl was in tears when our son came home from work. Our son said if he hadn’t known the truth, he would have believed his grandmother’s lies about me. She was very convincing and even brought on fake tears.

I’ve tried to be the better person over the years, welcoming my mother-in-law into our home, giving her birthday presents and even planning anniversary parties when none of her other children could or would. But I’m done.

My husband has confronted his mother many times regarding her destructive behaviour, but she says he doesn’t see the “real” me. Now I worry that she’s trying to come between my husband and his father, who is ill. My mother-in-law doesn’t return our phone calls or tell us when Dad is in the hospital. How do I handle this? Daughter-Out-Law

Dear Daughter: Some people are beyond reasoning with. It’s time to step back and let your husband handle his mother. As long as she believes she can control him, she will do so.

Your husband should try to get his information about Dad through other sources and bypass Mom whenever possible.

It’s terribly sad, but you can’t force her to be a better person. (She sounds mentally ill.)