Addressing slavery in family history
Dear Annie: I’ve been doing a lot of family-tree research and recently learned that my ancestors owned slaves from the early 18th century until the end of the Civil War, when my last slave-owning ancestor was shot.
My problem is, one of my brothers married an African-American woman, and they have two young daughters. I’m close to my brother and his wife, and I adore my mixed-race nieces, who identify as black. My family considers me the repository of ancestral information. What on earth do I tell them? I worry that it would be terribly difficult for them to learn that their ancestors were slave owners and fought on the side of the Confederacy. I can easily talk to my nieces about those European ancestors who never came to America. But I feel an obligation to tell the truth about all of their relatives.
How do I talk to them about this in a sensitive way? Most of all, I want my nieces to know how much we love them, that I find the family’s slavery past shameful, and that we’re proud that our family has become more diverse. But it still doesn’t erase what happened. Please help. — K.C.
Dear K.C.: You’re taking on more blame than necessary for your family’s past. Talk to your sister-in-law. Tell her what you discovered in your research, and add what you told us — that you love your brother’s family and find your slavery past shameful. Should these nieces someday become interested in their family history, they will want this information, warts and all, and are entitled to have it. The most important thing is to reassure them of your love. Dear Annie: I work in a doctor’s office as a receptionist. I was with a customer (a salesman), and another receptionist was with a patient. At some point during this time, another patient apparently came in. I was away from the front desk to take the salesman where he needed to go. The patient who came in texted the doctor, saying she was ignored and his staff is incompetent and rude. Our office manager instructed us that we essentially are to push aside salesmen, drug reps, etc., in order to take care of the patient. I disagree. I was waiting on this salesman and believe I should stay with that person until I am finished. Who is right? — Etiquette Confused
Dear Confused: Your office manager. That salesperson was not a customer. He was there to sell you something. The “customer” is the patient, and the patient always comes first. Rest assured, the salesperson will be fine waiting until you’re finished taking care of the people who are actually paying for your services.