Should she say something to Sue?

Originally published in 2013.

Dear Annie: I have a longtime friend who has become quite difficult to be around because she talks non-stop about herself. She’s a single professional woman who is intelligent and talented. But I think living alone causes her to unleash all of her thoughts on me.

This has not been a huge problem for me, because “Sue” lives in another state and I see her only a couple of times a year. When I speak to her on the phone, she usually talks for about 30 minutes without a pause. As soon as I speak, she says, “I have to go.”

Recently Sue told me she plans to move to my area when she retires. Soon. I need to address the imbalance in our relationship for our friendship to continue, but I don’t want to hurt her feelings. How should I handle this? Tired of Listening

Dear Tired: A certain amount of hard feelings may occur no matter how sensitive you are when telling Sue she doesn’t let other people talk. She is not “trained” to listen to anyone else. Retraining is best done in person and will take repeated efforts.

Next time, say, “Sue, can I get a word in?” She may be unaware she monopolizes the conversation. You also can tell her how much it would mean to you if the conversations were more give and-take. If she wants to remain friends, she’ll make the effort. Dear Annie: My wife and I enjoy eating out several times a week. We are happy to pay a 20-per cent gratuity for someone else do the cooking and cleanup.

We recently ate out at an upscale restaurant. It was not crowded but it took more than an hour for our dinner to arrive, the bread basket was long gone, water glasses were not refilled, and then the orders were misplaced. Twice I had to find our waitress, who was busy texting on her phone, just to get some information. When our dinners finally arrived, the cook had to come out and help her sort our orders, as she had no clue.

The food was excellent, and the restaurant, as is customary, added an 18-per cent gratuity for the large party. We paid in cash to the exact penny, wrote a note on the bill about the horrid service and left no additional tip because there was no service. I realize that things happen in the kitchen that are beyond the server’s control, but a good server should communicate this to customers. Still Steamed

Dear Steamed: Your complaint is quite valid. However, if there was an 18-per cent gratuity added to the bill, you did indeed pay for service. Better to complain to management.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.