Don’t lose any sleep over daughter’s ‘Rip Van Winkle’

Originally publish in 2013.

Dear Annie: My daughter has been dating the same guy for 11 years. Three years ago, she purchased a townhouse, and he moved in. He has terrible sleep habits. He claims his “internal sleep clock” is not in sync with the rest of the world. He stays up most nights playing on his computer and has a difficult time waking in the morning. He then spends his weekends trying to catch up on his sleep, staying in bed until late afternoon. He claims this is why he has yet to complete his college degree. He has a dead-end job.

My daughter has done research on sleep disorders and offered him names of doctors and clinics in the area that specialize in helping people, but he refuses to go.

My daughter has a fantastic job. She is intelligent, beautiful, outgoing and fun, and has a wide circle of friends who apparently make up for what she doesn’t get from Rip Van Winkle. This lopsided relationship is not what I had hoped for her. She deserves so much more. She and I have had many discussions about this, and at one point it negatively affected our relationship. Since then, I’ve tried to keep my thoughts to myself.

She recently told me that Rip expects to inherit some money from an aunt who recently died. He claims he will use the money to buy an engagement ring and pay for online college classes. Frankly, I would prefer she never marry him. How do I prepare myself for a possible engagement? Sleepyhead’s Mother-in-law-to-be

Dear SMILTB: Sleep disorders can be serious, but the fact that Rip Van Winkle has no interest in seeing a doctor means he would rather maintain the status quo. You already know your daughter isn’t inclined to listen to your opinions about this guy. So practise smiling in front of the mirror, because there isn’t much else you can do. We hope Rip Van Winkle has some redeeming qualities to make up for his lack of ambition, and one of them may be that he loves your daughter a great deal. Please try to focus on those good qualities and accept her decision with grace and fortitude.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.