It takes a little effort to make some friends

The following column was originally published in 2013.

Dear Annie: I’m a married female in my early 50s and haven’t had a real friend in more than 20 years.

It’s not a question of meeting people.

They just don’t seem to gravitate toward me. I’m considerate and clean and have a good sense of humour.

I’m a bit on the shy and quiet side, but I’m friendly and a sympathetic listener.

I have often made the first move and invited someone to join me for lunch.

They accept and seem to enjoy our time together, but they never reciprocate.

At work, everyone seems to buddy up with someone else, and though everyone appears to like me, I have no buddy of my own.

I’ve been to counselling twice and have read books on making friends, and neither has helped me find friends.

I appreciate that I have a good marriage, a good job, great kids and a nice home, but the absence of just one good friend saddens me greatly.

Do you have any advice? Lonely for Friends

Dear Lonely: It can take a long time to get to know someone in middle age, when friendships are already entrenched from work, church and community.

You would need to make a greater effort, inviting someone for lunch several times, before the comfort level promotes a closer friendship.

In the meantime, please look into the Red Hat Society (redhatsociety.org) and meetup. com for people in your area who are actively looking to make new friends.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.