Counselling the best way to resolve family squabble

Originally published in 2013.

Dear Annie: My daughter-in-law tends to go to her family. She says she is uncomfortable with my son’s side.

She has been rude to us since she married my son, and she controls him.

She threatens him if he does not do what she wants.

My daughter had a fight with my daughter-in-law four years ago, and I just woke up to the fact that my daughter-in-law blames us for my daughter’s actions.

My husband and I tried therapy with my son and daughterin-law, but it made things worse. I left, saying that I am not happy with either of them and I just want to see my grandchildren.

My son said that if I don’t continue with therapy, I won’t see the kids again. They are using the children as weapons to control us.

I told her she didn’t like us from Day 1. She told me she doesn’t trust me.

My new granddaughter had a baptism, and my daughter-in-law told us it was an occasion only for her family. We were insulted and hurt.

I’m thinking of going to court and suing for grandparents’ rights. Do you have any advice? Trustworthy

Dear Trustworthy: Your son and his wife may not be behaving in a kind or loving way, but there is room for improvement on both sides. They are willing to go for counselling to resolve this, which is a good sign. But walking out of a counselling session because you don’t like what you hear is not productive. The point of counselling is to work through the issues that get in the way of a better relationship.

Please stop trying to get your son to favour you over his wife. It won’t happen. The more you blame her the more defensive they both will be. If you want to be in his life and see those grandkids, we urge you to agree to go back for counselling with an open mind.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.